Today, I am running forty-third (winter) year nay fifty-three - what happened in these ten years of my life on this planet, we shall see later. That means I have already enjoyed fifty - three winters in my life, having been born on 31st of August, Nineteen hundred & fifty four at around 8 PM at night in a sleepy town near Belur Math, Howrah, West Bengal near Calcutta (Kolkata) metropolis. It was an ancestral house with four generations of people living.
Grand old man, the senior most was living downstairs at the ripe age of around nineties or so, I suppose. The next grandparents used to spend best part of their day in the temple offering their pujas, doing their rituals of worshiping idols etc. The memory which comes to me of those days is that, I was a quiet boy but playful at times. I was reserved, lonely not mixing much but loving and lovable. I was loved by most of the people. I used to spend the days in playfulness, doing odd jobs most of the time and sometimes doing studies or studying. I didn’t have formal schooling up to 6/7 years i.e., up to 1960 – 61. Only informal studies from books at home, sometimes we used to travel to relatives in the city of Kolkata.
I had a sister and a cousin brother who were of same age. I had no other friends at that time. Some far off distant cousins used to be near and give company. There was a nice family servant Jagat at our place, almost like a family member. I remember myself as a very simple sidha – sadha, bhola – bhala SHIVA – bhole baba. And people used to call me as a budhu (bouram) or a boy who used to bear the brunt of all punishment or scolding.
My father was doing some job in a private company and I was closer to my mother or rather my mother was closer to me. Suddenly one day we packed off to KolKata, leaving that ancestral house as my parent i.e., father left the house to stay in a rented house in south Kolkata. Initially, we stayed with some friend of my father. (I was never knowing, informed or aware of why we were going away. That brings out the point that Father was not at all communicative or sharing anything with me either official or unofficial. And he considered me as too small or not worthy of sharing)
The School Life
I joined a kinder garden school in south Kolkata, the little children school. As I was a good student and liked studying, I used to keep myself busy in studying. I was a top student in that school. There I stayed for 2-3 years until 1964 when I changed to another school in Kolkata, South Point School in class III. As I was a good student I secured good ranks among 1st to 5. I had appeared for an entrance test to join the school. I stayed there for a year. As I was little older for the class, I wanted to jump one class. As it was not possible in that school, I appeared for class V test in another school called Rungta high school. There I continued till I finished school in the year 1971 and appeared for high school final exam, which was called higher secondary. After finishing school I appeared for joint entrance test of engineering colleges, as I wanted to be an engineer.
My entire schooling career was the best period of my life as a teenager and a child. I was the best student; the most loved one and a shy – lovable child. I secured / obtained high ranks 1-5 throughout and the teachers had high hopes from me and also parents and others. I also took part in extra – curricular activities and I used to take part, participate in workshop, woodwork, drawings, and volleyball, cricket and drama activities sometimes. I was good writer of essays; poems etc. and used to actively take part in school & class competitions. Also, I took part in general knowledge competition etc. Physics (Naik), Hindi (Upadyaya), Mathematics (HS Gupta) and all other teachers were very close to me. Even Geography, Chemistry and Sanskrit teachers liked and loved me. The principal also loved me. Once in the final year of school during an essay (Hindi) competition, after the writing was over and the teachers went through the write – up, two teachers were having a discussion (dialogue) regarding my write – up. One teacher remarked that my writings were original (that I used to write on my own) and not reproduced from memory & existing materials i.e., copied. Thus my school life had been the brightest point in my life.
During that period in the family, I always did the odd jobs in the kitchen and getting / bringing household goods.
I remember fondly one family doctor Dr Mondol who used to show us magic show – hypnotism etc. Thus passed my school days, during which time, I spent most of the time either studying, helping, sometimes playing badminton etc. I liked & was near to two girl friends in our neighborhood, In fact two more. I had a few close friends all good in studies. And other boys respected me. (?) I was a teacher to some or most of them. Sometimes our family used to go out for long outings / journeys or drive – outs. And I thoroughly used to enjoy these excursions. I was cool, quiet, sharp and collected. I was known as a good boy and had good reputation. Often, I used to spend time on the terrace watching planes, birds and the sky and wondering what is behind the sky. Also, would dream of becoming a part and doing mysterious things like that or creating similar (mysterious) things and exploring more into these things.
Then came one of the most wonderful, beautiful and great / grand moments of this life. I appeared for two major engineering entrance exams, IIT’s and Jadavpur. I was a nervous type of boy before exams. In Jadavpur entrance exams, I was able to do very well and was very much satisfied and happy. I thought I must be among the top few best students. In IIT’s exams also, I did fairly well. And/But was not so satisfied and happy. So I was not expecting much. That wonderful & greatest moment of this life came when I got the intimation of my selection into IIT’s with a rank of 1206 and Jadavpur with a good rank.
My entire family was very happy; my father came / went with me to Kharagpur for the interview. Interview was a formal affair. Some medical tests and allotment of seat / Institute. As I didn’t get Chemical or Electronics engineering at Kharagpur and as I was interested in the same, I was suggested to take Electronics / chemical engineering at Banaras Hindu University – Institute of Technology. As at that point of time, there seemed to be no other option or guidance and I agreed to go to Varanasi for chemical engg and the thought of Jadavpur did not visit my mind. (Looking back, in retrospect, I wonder whether it was a good decision) But, of course, it was a great experience at / in Varanasi. May be, sometimes I feel, I would have been better of at Jadavpur.
The College life at Varanasi:
The five years were in a way turning point in my life. As, I was generally a good student but among the average i.e., middle & upper middle ones, I didn’t secure top ranks and I was the upper mid way. As I did not use to be that studious like in school, I was content with first class and was not so ambitious to get honours or top ranks.
Otherwise, I was considered and famous as an intelligent student. As I used to solve difficult problems frequently and used to give creative solutions & answers to various questions in the class, I became popular, famous and darling of some professors / teachers e.g., Uma shankar, N S Garg, YD Upadyaya, Dr S K ray and S Mall etc. I had one Mr R M Rajput as my roommate in first year. And was near to Devendra kumar tibrewala, Jugal kishore Daga, Bhism Chattwani, Bhojwani etc. I was at good terms with others also. I started taking part in cricket, swimming, badminton and table tennis, caroms, chess etc. from the beginning. Also, badminton, cycling across the country side and sometimes going for a Nature - trek. We used to see / have movies in the open fields sometimes…
In summers after the exams in april, we would go back home and rest for a month or two. In the second year, I applied for endowment scholarship for meritorious students for particular community category of students and was selected for the scholarship of one time lump sum amount.
I frequently visited hobby center at University center and pursued the hobby of photography. I availed the facility of dark room at the Center. I used to go to Electronics club also. Overall, I was a multi - variety and faceted personality and with variety of interests. Although, I was good in studies I was not that popular in terms of mixing and communicative fellow and others used to have different ideas sometimes. Because of my interest in photography, Electronics etc., I was close to some electronics & other branch students also. Through & along with one such friend, I attended Jiddu Krishnamurthy’s lecture also one day for the first time. That was on the banks of the Ganges River.
Many times friends became enemies during those days and again Enemies became friends. That shows how in this world emotional thought and feelings plane things keep changing and oscillating from one pair of opposites (dualities) to the other. And we should not cling to any thoughts, feelings and emotions (likes or dislikes). It is in the realm of change.
Once in the second year, I fell quite ill and had to be hospitalized for mumps at varanasi. During that time many of my college friends visited me at the hospital showing the solidarity and popularity.
My pattern of studies was to be busy in extra – curricular activities throughout the year but attend most of the classes at the same time and study for the Exams at the last minute and get tensed up. In the practicals and experimental classes, I was particularly good. During IV th or V th year, I met one girl from Sri Lanka (Ceylon) in the train while I was coming to Varanasi from Calcutta. We liked each other and exchanged letters for a long time upto beginning of eighties when it got discontinued. Finally, the final year came and we prepared to begin our life and career. It was not clear what I would do. As many students were applying and appearing in competitive tests like TOEFL, GRE, IIMs to go abroad or further advanced studies, I also got interested in pursuing higher / further studies. And I appeared for TOEFL, GRE & IIMs. My scores in TOEFL & GRE were 593 & 640 respectively. During the year 1977, I applied at 6 (six) foreign Universities in Canada & USA. I could not concentrate and study well in the final year as a result I could not write the papers well. I was confronted with the dilemma – What next?
After the exams was over I booked my ticket and returned alone back to Calcutta. At that - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I was feeling very energetic & enthusiastic after coming back to Calcutta, my hometown. And I was charged with super energy and consciousness at that time. Bubbling with energy & enthusiasm, while I was planning (& preparing) for higher studies, competitive exams e.g., SAIL, IOC, Nelco, IIFT, NPC etc., I was applying & trying for regular job also and sometimes going to Kemrub P Ltd., a small scale company directed by my father B K Bagla.
As, I was very ambitious, I did not accept small jobs, which I got, and, was aiming at MBA qualification and further studies also. In the meantime my father and parents became quite worked up & annoyed / angry as I was not going to their factory & helping him. Sometimes, whenever I used to go to the Liluah factory, somehow, I didn’t enjoy the work, as there was not much work or little to do except routine production work.
I was very particular to get selected & earn a good job on my own initiative and independently. At that time - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Also, as per my potential that time, I think I wanted a big responsible job for - - - - - - - -. Slowly, I was getting disappointed, as I felt people were not recognizing my Greatness - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I appeared for quite a number of interviews for technical – managerial jobs e.g., Bengal Chemicals, Shriram, Hindustan Insecticides, Kesoram Ind., Union Carbide, Dunlop etc. At the liluah factory, I was asked to do some development work as starting a chemical laboratory. That I did, but honestly - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - as my mind seemed to be pulled by various and too many ambitions. I was surely brilliant & very bright brain. And felt not being able to utilize that brain properly. I used to read many novels and fiction and non – fiction books.
Human energies and talents were going waste and unused. And there was no individual earnings much and economic freedom / independence. Still I was drawing 200 /500 / 1000 rupees from home or father’s resources.
There was unspoken, invisible and underlying tension and confusion or commotion at home. And I was disturbed during that time at home. There was instability at home, life and in mind due to unproductive work life and no job and busy occupied / engaged day – daily life. My father - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - and of no / low utility/usefulness to him as I honestly was not much close & helpful to him at that time (I will agree) There was unspoken tension, personality or temperamental clash and we rarely sat down together. I felt - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -.
I wanted to create and develop my own individuality, personality and independence. I had to many times do against my wishes many things because of this and I resented this. So, I wanted to become independent financially all the more. During these troubling and trying times, I was taken and advised to consult psychiatrist as I was getting slowly depressed. Few of them were consulted. Finally in eighties (1981), a visit to Vellore hospital for consultation was made which further established my high mental capabilities / capacities and lack of recognition and other cooperation and support from the people, relatives etc. I also went for an interview to Indian Institute of Science for PhD and also got interview call from IIT Kharagpur.
I also used to write many essays and prose works at that time some of which got certificates of merit and appreciation by Competition Success Review. I was getting frustrated that Industry professionals, intellectuals were not recognizing me. And my father - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -. I used to do household works sometimes. And I confess (admit), I was not much of a helping hand at home at that time. I used to travel by public transport (mini buses) etc. And never troubled him for transport in his office/personal car/vehicle. I spent my daytime going to libraries – British, USIS & YMCA, Ramkrishna Mission Centre etc.
And was really confused. (In the meantime, I did post graduate diploma in Business management from Institute of Modern management at St. Xavier’s campus. I joined and worked for two companies during that time i.e., Kanoria chemicals & Ind. and Bestobell India apart from Kemrub and occasionally visited Manav Chemicals P Ltd. which was promoted by brother-in-law. At other times I did reading, writing works and lot of correspondence with pen friends, companies – potential employers and literary pursuits of writing poetry, prose works and magazine scanning. Some of my write-ups were published in magazines etc. I was no doubt an Intellectual in the footsteps of Rabindranath Tagore etc., but a liability to family as a dependent. [a real conflicting situation]. My community tradition…… During those years of turmoil, conflicts, I was going up and down to Varanasi to take up / start something and even floated an idea of consult…ing (…ancy) work as Anup Engineers and joined Department of Chemical Engineering as Research Associate to pursue this idea (in 1984). That was the climax or another high point in life in mid eighties.
I must confess that I have received God sent inspirations and impulses, intuitive ideas at various times in my troubling times which had helped me to face / overcome the situations and I really felt that God was working in my Life which I still feel at this stage and all the times. This experience had prompted our house owners (neighbour landlord) to say that I had to appear for so many tests (examinations) to prove my intellectual and mental Greatness that even Sitajee did not appear for so many tests. That was another phase or chapter in my life. Joining BHU as Research Associate was not without it’s tremors & traumas. I was looked upon as an alien in our department with so many unfriendly characters and energies. I must also confess here that I didn’t know how to face the situation and proact; rather, I used to react (flight) and run away without facing & fighting and winning the situation. [This has been my greatest undoing].
At Vellore, I was told by the friendly doctor, Abraham Verghese that, I am a man of Great potential and that he has seen many people like me and if I do not improve my relationships, understandings with people, environment and situations, I will never be able to come out and that it will repeat throughout my life. It was sorts of prophecy come true to large extent.
Number of astro, fortune tellers & prediction makers were consulted during these days who invariably spoke of my hidden talents, underlying greatness and also…… or rather rejection ………………………………................
…………………………………………………………………………In fact …………….. …………………And also, I was ………………………………………………………….... and opportunities. I used to read stories about Great Germans and would get inspired that some day I will also be doing Great deeds/things. The problem was how to improve the relationship with people (environment) balance & harmonize the same. Somehow the communication to immediate surrounding people had to be improved. Something ……………………………… ………………………………… For that you had to show them ……………………… …………… doing it. Evaluation by the people is subject to positively doing something as remarked by one colleague and friend. This was a Great dilemma how to show to the people by actually doing it, as you had to get a platform, infrastructure and financial support and cooperation from people.
Meanwhile in varanasi, as I was supposed to take some classes, work for PhD, take up projects, do chemical Engineering work (Problem solving) etc., I needed time to put my Energy system in some kind of order, (if not 1,2,3 order, at least zero order); I went to IIT N Delhi to take up Entrepreneurship course at management department. Also, I prepared / appeared for research fellowship at IIT Delhi. As I could not do any / much work in the Department, my extension as faculty was not granted and I had to return back and think about something else. Most of the time at varanasi, I spent the time in library. Otherwise also, I have spent my major part of my time in libraries or studies (work).
Varanasi, I left and landed in Kolkata, back to the square one and was again at the mercy of the events (circumstances). As there was no other immediate option, I was asked to go to Madras (Chennai) by one of the known person known to the family. It was the same situation, which had happened after leaving Bestobell. That time also, I had felt very bad (dejected) and punished myself with traumatic, sad feelings by staying indoors.
That was another bitter experience, which put the life back for another setback by number of years. People at home and others thought that I was not having talent and that is why I was not surviving, succeeding or progressing and was getting discontinuity with various jobs, whereas the Truth was that people were non-cooperative …………………………. And non trusting and ………………………… and condemning & creating hurdles.
My immense talents, capacities and abilities (capabilities) were lying buried deep down in the dark under the cover. And so life was full of suffering and miseries due to non-recognition, non-support and lack of balance and disturbance from people and environment ..………
In this connection, I remember the remark by one of the office colleague by name Freddie at Bestobell that to be at peace with oneself and one’s environment – people, it is important that others should think the same as what you think. Also, he remarked that I had mental capability / quality of a very high order. Another remark by the BHU professor comes to mind that Interview wise, I was all right. Also, remark by some of the people who had taken interview that technically I was good & all right and was intelligent also. But then why did they refuse to take me for the job was their personal reasons, whims and likes & dislikes. Thus because of individual likes & dislikes, my life was suffering. This had happened at some other interviews also. While at Nelco interview (and tests) my rank was IInd and also at IIFT and IOC I was asked meaningless questions ……………………………………………………………………. etc.
I came in touch with few well wishers during those times who recognized my brilliance and greatness such as SC Lodh, Biswas, Dr Mukherjee, Mrs Krishna Mukherjee etc. Also, I had got selected at IISWBM & another management Institute. I remember having repaired the weighing balance of our lady landlord. I used to do household electrical, mechanical repair works and was always fiddling with electro mechanical things & gadgets.
In the school days also, I used to make Mechano-mechanical, wood works, paper works airplanes like glider and used to fly them at Victoria maidan.
I had a small library also and used to write / keep a diary. Very early in life, I learned driving by my own efforts. During the school days, one teacher also used to come at home to give lessons for a year or two. But I found I could do without him. So, it was very clear that the problem was genuine, as people were not recognizing the real talent. The strategy to be adopted was to improve the communicative skills. But I was a good writer and not speaker or extroverted talker / talkative.
I also remember that I went to ………………………… at Calcutta after passing from college. All this was in simple innocence & good faith of simplicity and natural body desires and attractions. Quite a few girls, women folk wanted to be near to me, but I was bit of a disciplinarian, shy and reserved. But I was so simple and innocent that people used to take undue advantage of me. I was cheated quite a few times (occasionally). I was super conscious, full bright and supercharged with lot of energy. I used to feel the radiant enlightened brightness from the brain all the time. It was a very nice, goodness feeling tremendously peaceful, soothing – Great feeling that I used to get the answers to problems and ideas very rapidly, very fast. In the year 1981, I feel / think that I was around 10% down, which over the years in the last two decades or so had gone up to 70 to 80% down and fluctuates between 50 to 80 % for the last one decade i.e., in the present decade of 90’s. The decade of 80’s after returning from Madras saw me becoming sick with jaundice and I was sick for almost a month during which time, I had full rest. As there was an offer of work from the madras man to come to madras and help him out with his office work, I decided to go to madras in the year 1985 during august to December or so after returning from varanasi in the early 1985. The experience at madras was equally tormenting and trial some. Everywhere I was faced with conflicting, opposing and troublesome characters.
In the meantime talks about marriage were gaining ground after returning from madras (1986). Earlier also, they were taking shape or talked about, but I had ignored and resisted as I was not independent and believed that it will not be wise to marry unless one is self dependent and standing on one’s own good pair of legs. Before marriage, there was some sort of drama, which took place to entice me to go in for arrangement of work with brother in law and marriage. As the things were happening over which you had little control and events were forcing me to act in one-way or other. As I was not able to have mastery over the self and the environment, the events and the people around me controlled me. Of course I was selecting, choosing my own options out of available choices but I was feeling thoroughly helpless at many times and victim of circumstances i.e., people with wrong programming, ideas ……………… impurities and negativities.
This brings to focus (fore) the reality that there is tremendous amount of negativity and tensions, evil getting manifested in this world. We have to live in this world among the negativities. So how best we can live by remaining unaffected by the Devil (evil) – lies etc. is what is a challenging task ahead of us. What is required for this is keeping equanimity, balance (Samata-equanimity) of mind in all situations. It may seem difficult (very difficult) at times but that is what paves the way for success or failure.
The sister & brother in law through theirs father’s spirit, arranged for my work arrangement at their small chemical (bulk drug) process plant in the suburbs of Calcutta beyond Jadavpur (narendrapur PO). I was supposed to look after the project (Process plant work) to ensure production, quality etc. And the way things were magnified and projected it became a grand event. The girl in question attracted me beyond all imaginations and expectations. It was sheer joy and liveliness and vitality that attracted me. Also good academic / educational background was real impressive. So as it turned out we were drawn towards each other from the very first moment and mentally decide to give the consent for the wedding (? A big blunder) Being a simple guy, I was again manipulated by elders (others) – parents etc. to agree to their designs of going about planning the marriage, but may be elders, family people …………………… There were moments of suspense when the parents were adamant about certain things on how ……………………………… And, I remember, I had taken a wise and noble decision to take a decision according to my conscience of righteousness and far from pomp and show towards simplicity & girl’s side. I felt good and peaceful about that. In whatever I did, there was shade of honesty and truth even at the cost of loss and/or personal disadvantage at times, even suffering the pain. I always gave more value to life, people, humanity, and humility than material things, wealth, luxury and show of these things even living amongst these things in the house of parents or father. In this context, I remember meeting one medical guy in the train while traveling from Calcutta to hyderabad. He had posed one question that a boat was crossing a river and you had a choice of saving a life or taking a booty or treasure to test my attitudes and intentions. And, I remember, I had opted for saving a life.
Some people love objects - material things or money and use people whereas there are few other good people who love people and use money and material things for the good of all (people)
So, while I started going to chemical process plant at narendrapur PO, where brother in law was managing and owning the works, I used morning and evening locals to commute to the factory and back. Initially, there was some distance, mistrust, apprehension and process of knowing one another with the chemist by name Mr Pal at that place. I came closer as the days passed. Simultaneously, the talk about the …………………… began to take shape and the meetings started taking place. And, finally on ……………., the ……….. was solemnized. The work at Narendrapur chemical plant was mostly operations & process plant engineering. As the guy, Mr Pal was mostly looking after the daily operations of reactor, filters, centrifuge and drying, I was mostly having discussion (technical) and experimental projects of better efficiency drier or drying systems. There was one more guy Mr choudhary, who was involved in the drier. Finally as the drying was one of the problems and there were some financial problems with the management, they could not accommodate me as a technical man and I had to discontinue with them. My brother in law even after knowing my technical / engineering competence and capability ditched me and would not pay for my technical services and knowledge use. He would use my technical knowledge extensively but would not pay for my services & knowledge. This hurt me very much. It was just like having a doctor in the house and take his services without paying him. Even my father and other people would use my services, technical knowledge without paying me adequately and giving me credit for the same. Moreover, because they …………………………………. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… sandwiched between Business people and Professionals who took advantage of my helplessness. Wherever I worked I felt I could do great improvements by creative ideas, but The business or money minded people ………………………… Also, the technical people working with them will know only routine things …………………….. Again, as the things were not moving smoothly, I was …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
That was another major turning point and setback a decade ago. Because at that time, as I was newly married and still very energetic, enthusiastic and dynamic, I accepted the challenge in the hope of doing something. Here, also the management philosophy and their attitude were very ……………… ………………………….. and they bothered about technical things or doing anything to develop, improve technical process and methods. I was caught in doing routine things of supervision at project worksite. Only job was to see that management’s money, things was/were not misused, work was progressing as per schedule time And machineries were erected at the right place in the proper way, civil works was going on steadily and I was supposed / expected to work with these people to see that work did not suffer and everyday’s progress was maintained as per activity bar chart. This was new experience to work in Project execution-implementation right from civil works to commissioning. For this, whatever engineering materials (things) were required / procured had to be technically approved by me. And technical quality had to be ensured. Thus, I became quite busy and active during those days. I used to extensively go to markets for purchase of engineering items / materials to Balanagar, R P Road, Ranigunj etc. for approval and right buy.
Thus maintenance of quality in Engineering works, workshop activity, production work, quality lab testing and boiler, Panel room (electrical work), compressed air work in compressor and cooling tower for circulating process water in machinery was my region (area) or field of work. I thoroughly enjoyed the work in which, I was quite competent and conversant. In the process, I gained some recognition and got some satisfaction- Intellectual and mental-Professional I proved my technical abilities & problem solving in Plant, Equipments, erection, quality lab testing, compounding in rubber items production and plant utilities e.g., compressors, boilers, cooling towers and generators (transformers) I was quiet worker / silent worker but always ready with solution. Also, often getting creative ideas to solve production problem. I was responsible for erecting tensile testing machine with the help of Trilok singh, who was the fitter (mechanic) in the factory at that time. There were other two characters in the factory at that time – S K Haldar and Sajjad Hussain. Both were experienced and old with fixed ideas. It was very difficult to work with them, to act upon or implement any new ideas. Whenever, I ‘ll give any new or useful idea – Haldar babu, without knowing or understanding anything will want to reject it or not implement it, create obstacle in its approval. And Baglajee, the Director will also support him notwithstanding the benefit in its implementation. I remember maintaining the cooling tower sump free of all hardness, fungus/I by regularly ensuring addition of fungicides, softening chemicals to prevent scales in water line. I was getting supplies from the chemical’s suppliers and ensuring regular dosing for the same. This had kept the sump and circulating line free from hard scales. This had made one of the boys (suppliers) remark that the water quality was best among the factories visited by him. Also, for boiler the water was made soft. So, the utilities and Plant engineering side was well taken care of by taking timely actions and repairs.
Days and months passed. I worked for improvement of hydraulic, pneumatic valves. I visited many Industries in Patancheru and worked hand in hand with them. I remember also, having read books on refrigeration and generators, engines etc. Life was comparatively busy, active and relatively happy. But, people were still not so cooperative. There were tensions in relationships, as people were not thinking as myself. In the production, quality problem solving, I used to give ready – creative solution. In compounding, mixing and raw materials and finished tyres, products testing, I did a thorough job. And, I was very creative, knowledgeable. I handled the problems of the compressed air (Compressor), Boiler – maintenance and mixing mills, presses and extruders also. Workshop was a frequent place of visit. I was conversant with lathe machines and my all round interest and knowledge – practical knowledge was extremely self satisfying and joyful. Success is a very important ingredient in life. It creates balance with Environment, Ecology, people and balance within individual. In the absence of success and proper understanding by the people, environment, life becomes a burden, a bed of thorns and pinpricks. To strike a balance within oneself and with eco – environment – people, it is very important that people think the same as the Reality and Truth about oneself (you or me).
Speaking about success and the influence of environment neighborhood thinking and thought process on individual mind and conscious, I strongly feel that unless neighborhood thinking and conscious is not purified and harmonized – balanced, it becomes very difficult to conduct or live your life peacefully, gracefully and honourable
Man’s goal is freedom and liberation. Through creative, productive work, he contributes to the outside world, society and gains self-satisfaction, actualizing of his potentials, strengths and talents given by God. Thus the Truth regarding one’s self is expressed and established in the Universe and surroundings, which creates harmony with-in self, and Ecology.
The stay at Hartex factory at hyderabad was in many ways varied & interesting with many conflicting situations arising out of clash of ideas and opinions. Looking back, I feel I was frustrated by and due to lack of trust, confidence and recognition; there was a blockade to my progress in life. And the life energy was getting bottled up & blocked.
When I had landed at / in hyderabad during end 1986, I had mixed feelings as I was recently married and great responsibility was there on me. But, I was full of hope, energy and enthusiasm, not knowing what was in store for me at hyderabad. As it turned out, Baglajee, my father was very unfriendly and always mistrusted, doubted my intentions without any rhyme or reason. This was a big obstacle, hurdle in my free working. I was feeling very lonely and isolated. And, I had no friends, contacts & known person to talk and exchange ideas, personal difficulties, problems etc. Father was always critical so there was no use, point in talking to him. As, whenever I tried to talk to him, there was rebuff, I couldn’t talk and had the courage to approach him for any free fair & frank discussion.
I started to go to Ramakrishna Math, a center of peace, abode of tranquility – ocean of bliss the very air, vibrations charged with peaceful, silent waves, energy of infinite wisdom. One of the factory engineer, friend & colleague, Mr Naresh Reddy told me about the same as I was new to hyderabad then and even dropped me the first time for which I feel very grateful to him.
As the company people were not responding positively to my ideas, scientific working etc. I was not getting interested in work and once in a while stop going to site work. Also, I would feel certain tiredness, lowness in energy & fatigue on getting up and certain lowering in my life energy. I was thinking what to do & how to become more active & pick up more creative work and achieve better results. I was looking for help and support. And fortunately, few friendly people joined the company. Civil engineer, architect Rami Reddy, K P Ramesh, chartered accountant etc. were encouraging and good moral support. I was thinking (as if God directed) that I have to get the company and support of intelligent people (intellectuals), only then, I could come out of my predicament. So I looked for old students association of BHU or accidentally found (as if God ordained) the office of the BHUOSA and immediately joined and became the member and was elected one of the managing committee members. Before that, I also made a couple of visits to Osmania University department of chemical engineering. Even after coming to hyderabad Hartex factory, I was preparing the bio data and applying here and there. And even attending interviews sometimes. I appeared for one such interview at Kolhapur.
Again, because I had a brilliant intellect and mind, I APPEARED FOR megabytes Computer Academy through competitive exams (my rank being 2nd or 3rd) and started the MCA course on Computer Applications. As if ordained, my eyes also caught the Board of National Institute of Amateur Radio (NIAR) at Raj Bhavan Road. As I was aware of Amateur Radio in my college, I immediately enrolled/joined for the 3 months short course and completed / earned a Grade II license ticket from Ministry of Communication, Department of Telecommunication. That was a great achievement and I was very happy about the same. I believe that all these developments were inspirations & impulses from God Mind. As 1987 was completion of 10 years of graduation, at the fag end of that year, we made a trip to Udaipur where all the old boys of Banaras assembled once again for a get together and had an emotional union.
Another major development in that period was birth of a male child. After marriage on 19th April 1986, we had a powerful post marriage stay together (honeymooning) at hill resort of Nainital. It was a terrific and mind blowing or boggling experience. Every day of a week or ten to fifteen days (two weeks) was a great day. It had its own unique experience, creative content which was thoroughly enjoyable. Also, it was beyond all explanation in words. So, it was simply Great. The seed of the male child was planted there during those days & that period. So ended, our tryst or rendezvous with splendid vacations, recreation.
So attending Interviews, visiting Osmania, other Universities, joining Amateur radio, computers, attending BHUOSA meetings, getting to know G V Mohan for the first time through BHUOSA, visiting Public Gardens for horticultural studies, electronics hobby center / shops, indira park, Ramakrishna Math, British Library, visiting Udaipur, having friendly chat with young coworkers at the plant / factory site became the general routine / order of the day during that period. Ram Reddy introduced me to British Library through his friend. He was a very timely & kindly help during those trying times. It was another of God’s blessings. I was also very fortunate to have a good & kindly neighbour at that time as Mr Ganeshan who was very helpful in understanding mutually. I used to spend quiet times in their house & used to feel peaceful. We also started to go for morning walks together and it was a refreshing experience.
Another development during that time was joining of Sri M Y Sheikh. We could instantly develop mutual rapport & understanding (?). He was also young ambitious, energetic and full of ideas, jest for life, vigour and charged with & to do something. Our mutual natural (?) understanding helped me to find my bearings, earth under the feet & settlement to some extent/measure. Over the years in the next couple of years, again, that association, coming together, turned sour & was on the verge of breaking down and coming apart. Therefore, again it shows that situations, associations, placements in life keep changing. Friends become enemies & enemies become friends & vice versa showing the impermanent/changing nature of worldly affairs, events, happenings etc in our individual, personal experiences. So, I would call my first ten years after college (post college life) as really bright, enlightened but full of dichotomy, paradox, misunderstanding and friction/conflict with environment-people due to their non-recognition, non-understanding & rejection, resulting in inability to get wholesome and gainful work occupation and independence. This apparent reality in physical plane/field created many misjudgments or wrong/erroneous opinions in the minds of close people who were near or surrounding me in the neighbour environment and with whom I was staying together. This also created severe strain on our living together as due to lack of mutual understanding and personal freedom (due to dependence) there was no balancing of relationship. And so, father was consistently threatening me to leave, quit. And even, I was having recurring thoughts & ideas to separate and live independently / separately. Looking back, on this day – May be I am exaggerating, but this is the truth, which is right from the guts for that particular moment. Also, whatever I was experiencing, I was not able to deal effectively with that in my innocence and presence of weak, fearsome / fearful (complexes) thought entities. This somehow was my undoing as it represented ignorance or cowardice and lack of divine quality or influence to some extent. I better not say, lack of divine support but my inability to totally tap its power and richness & glory and greatness.
So I was talking about the entry of Mr M Y Sheikh in my busy life. The factory working life and outward life was becoming more supported and understood by this development. We were working together on the project of Hartex Tyres. The big bosses Surekas and B K who had hired and recruited Mr Sheikh reached this arrangement. During the management/ maintenance of the project, some differences over compounding, mixing came up which created friction and misunderstanding. It was a deliberate attempt on the part of Mr Sheikh to sabotage, cheat the operation of mixing/compounding by unscrupulous methods and get unfair credit. As it turned out, the whole episode backfired. And the compounds made by me behaved very well whereas those made by Mr M Y Sheikh (and dis-credited in my name) failed miserably and became utter failure and with huge losses. I was unduly blamed and told so many things. In fact, my brilliant intellect was at the receiving end from/by the foolish administrators/management bosses.
The brilliant engineering intellect and brain was getting suppressed, suffocated by cheating, malpractices and inhuman behavior, oppressive methods – shouting, suppressions etc. This was leading to generating anger, ill will, hatred emotions-feelings within my own system-heart & mind. This poison in my mind system created agitations (energy) within and unnecessary tensions etc. These big bosses were taking advantage of my helplessness that I was not settled and earning in my own profession and satisfactorily/happily employed, recognized and settled. The approach, strategy and their attitude was always negative and inimical
My own weaknesses – nervous and psychological debility and certain fears prevented me sometimes to rise above and over these exploitations. I think and know for sure that now I am over and above these shortcomings and bold enough to call a spade a spade. As we enter into the next ten (10) years of post college period of my life as started at hyderabad, Hartex factory, I was not knowing then, that, it will be again a period of turmoil, uncertainties and ups & downs, storms.
Father had thought that he had won in condemning me as I had failed in my endeavours and gone back to him to help him. And, as it turned out, that, my technical knowledge & competence was being established, proved, it seemed that he was becoming nervous, jittery or at times he was behaving appreciative.
One, very good development during that time was meeting with & entry of Sri Iyer who was doing some electrical contract work. One day as I was going to factory with the then GM/DGM Mr Ponnuraj, he (Mr Iyer) came along together with Mr Ponnuraj to the factory for some work. In the car, we had small introduction, chat and discussion with him. (In fact I was not introduced, he only asked about me). He was enquiring about some technical data, queries from Mr Ponnuraj. In stead of Mr Ponnuraj replying correctly, I instantly gave the right answer, And after this short exchange, we had good rapport, understanding which created good energies of good thoughts & opinions in the minds of baglagee and other factory personnel / managers during those times. Mr Iyer was a good man of noble traits, humble, honest and of good character. He proved to be of great help as if God sent or God ordained. He arranged, gave me the papers for becoming the member of Indian Institute of Plant Engineers (Copes) for Plant engineering services also. Along with Mr Iyer, I also came in touch with Quality Inspection people from Directorate of Inspection Central department, where I became very much close to one Mr Chowgule. Also, initially there was one Mr Mohan and also some other people. I used to spend lot of time with Mr Chowgule, exchanging ideas of general nature, some business new projects – products & services.
During those times of mistrust, lack of confidence, general disharmony etc. these talks – interaction proved very encouraging, uplifting etc but finally nothing significant came out of that because money & funds was not forthcoming; only ideas were played around in the minds without real & actual work. During all these trying times, the management (Baglaji & Surekas) were playing the villain as bad, negative characters trying to put undue pressures because of their hold on money matters. They were always trying to threaten me by withholding & withdrawing monetary, daily living support unless I toe their line of thinking and listen to their ill advise (sometimes, may be good ones also).
During those times in the Hartex factory, I was feeling run down and somewhat bogged down by the high handedness, harsh worded treatment and sometimes ill-treatment by the workers, colleagues. Also, casually criticized or passed remarks etc. It was mostly a psychological war. It created lot of psychological anxiety and stress. These worries and strain & tensions were very unholy and I was suffering the pangs of materialistic hard energies and this hard-concretized matter was burdening my physiology. And so I wanted to come out of this. And also, I was not happy being unhappy.
I was losing interest in working and living and wanted to live with nature. I used to spend lot of time with Nature – park, greenery, plants, trees, water ponds, hills and wildlife, animals etc. I am, in fact a nature loving person, a man of nature a man born of nature and in the lap of nature. Whenever, I am with or in nature, I enjoy it thoroughly. I want to spend my whole life in the lap of nature in the woods, wildlife and out in the open, in forests, agricultural & deep, dense thick jungles. I wish I could spend the whole life in the midst of nature and its magical influences, its life giving power, energy and vitality. Whenever I am with nature, I feel so good, easy, relaxed and like I have come home. The enlightenment and consciousness expansion which starts happening is something beyond this world of me-my and mine.
You feel the whole nature, existence, creation and Universe is living, singing and dancing with you. You feel the oneness with all things natural, created – creatures. The ocean sings and dances. The rains, mountains, the birds, the gurgling of river waters etc. all become so mysteriously grand, joyful and marvelous. Its simply great to be able to enjoy the beauties hidden in nature, creation. I believe that I was always inspired by nature, the oceans, the trees, birds, rains etc. and am still continually inspired.
Working in Hartex and having a brush now & then with management, people was nothing unusual, rather it was expected. As my interests, materially was dying down, I wanted to do some great creative things. I was looking for opportunities. As it happened at the fag end of 1989, when I wanted to start anew / afresh, I was not knowing what to do and groping in dark, I thought I would start marketing some novel product – items. One such product which I thought of was an instant water heater … One of my cousin brothers had come from Kolkata or (Calcutta) to Hyderabad during that time and he ventured or offered to help me to market the products in Calcutta. But all were empty words; No relatives could be counted upon … (But no malice at the same time)
When during this fluid state and days, I was wondering what to do, I intuitively and impulsively was drawn towards the premises & imposing building of Administrative Staff College of India at Khairatabad. As if God directed, I entered the premises to enquire about the activities carried out at ASCI. I was interested to take up some project so that it will keep me in good spirits, health and well being and earn my daily bread & livelihood also.
I enquired from the reception who were the contact persons in the field of production, operation management etc. I was informed about one Dr Shetty.
I met him and the meeting was successful, as I had done diploma – advanced management from Productivity Council, Baroda, I asked him whether I can work on any project.
After small talk with him, when I told him that I did my graduation in engineering from IT(IIT) Banaras / Varanasi, he was instantly impressed as he found me to be intelligent.
So I am very happy to say that he offered me cake, pastry and coffee right there and then. I am and must be very happy to take pride …. Really, I am grateful on account of this God directed event action and happening. He advised me to meet faculty Dr B. Bowonder and personally hand over the application to take up project work.
I did as directed and personally handed him the CV (Bio data) and a small letter saying that I wanted to take holiday for sometime from active stressful/tension working life and relax during the project work. Fortunately, as if God directed good sense, impression and understanding prevailed (in his mind) and I was asked to come again after sometime during which time he would circulate the bio-data and find out whether & if there was any project. Luckily, next time I was informed that there was project in Energy Management Area. I was called at a certain time and formality of interview, discussion was completed with Dr Arif Waqif.
So thus I landed and started the project on Energy Management Practices. I enjoyed the work thoroughly even though it was hard work and taxing at times.
I visited number of process Industries in Hyderabad, Visakhapatnam and Bombay. I visited Bombay once for fifteen days. Initially, I started mailing to different lists of Industries. Except few bitter experiences, I got good responses from most of the Industries. Together with good interaction / discussion on plant engineering matters, I was able to derive joy and satisfaction out of creative efforts and work. Immediately after joining Dr Bowonder seemed to have disliked some nervous traits in me. And so he became bit unfriendly sometimes and I had maddening fears & worries many times which will bind me down.
I struggled with my predicament-condition and also project work. I called many people (Industries), took appointments and met them, made notes and reports etc. Thus passed one of my greater challenges and it was really worthwhile. In between there was some hold - ups, discontinuity, breaks & leaves etc. due to some misunderstandings with the head. But soon it was possible to melt it down & dissolve it. And I completed that assignment with flying colors. I could not get another job or project after completing that one and so I felt depressed. Therefore I planned to go to ten days Vipassana meditation camp or courses for uplifting myself.
Regarding Vipassana, I had known and heard during the days as far back as (1984) the days spent at IIT, ND during Research Associate days at Varanasi.
I had attended a talk by Sri Goenkalji at IIT, ND and I was impressed by it.
Also, I had read about it in some magazine called Dharmayuga. So, I was interested and inclined towards attending one such camp/workshop. Also sometime in the middle of 1990 after completing the ASCI assignment, I attended one talk by Goenkaji at Rabindra Bharati. I was very much enlightened by the talk. And took the decision to attend it any cost at the next available opportunity.
That great opportunity arrived sometime in puja holidays or days of that year i.e., 1990. And I spent 10 – days of silent sadhana practicing meditation for almost 14-15 hours every day getting up at 4 AM and retiring at 10 - 10:30 PM …
We started with ana-pana or breathe observation – the ingoing and outgoing breath … just observing - it as it is (annapanasati); This went on for 3 and a half days. Then Vipassana was given from the top of the head and the journey of observing the sensations all over the body from the top to bottom began. It was a unique experience …
Speaking about meditation practices, I was attracted to Yoga & Meditation right from my college or even school days. During my college days, I used to read a book on Yoga, which was quite knowledgeable and during the fag end of college days, I had received some kind of enlightenment which was visible and experienced in the evolved, enlightened consciousness and high intelligence (IQ) of over 130 … So my interests in yoga, meditation and spirituality is inborn and dates back to school and college days. But it had flowered / blossomed only after college in the eighties.
I was attracted towards the teachings of Vivekananda and his message … I often visited Ramakrishna Mission Institute of Culture at Golpark. I remember vividly, one day, I came across the enlightened bright mind of a gentleman boarding and getting into a car at the entrance of the Institute just as a century back, Swami Vivekananda looked from the photo, which I saw of his with his colleagues at the demise of Sri Ramakrishna.
I used to read the book on Raman Maharishi and other publications/books on divine life by Rishikesh Divine Life Society. I used to attend the discourses by Swami Parthasarthy. So the spiritual side and spirituality was very much experienced in my life.
I was drawn towards Christian literature also from the beginning after college. In reality when in 1981, I had gone to madras en-route to vellore, one pundit had remarked that I had seeds of greatness, that I would write books, theories and laws which will be well known. So the spirituality was very well developed in me. And, I could read the minds of others very easily and get intuitive ideas and many other flashes from consciousness. So, I consider myself pretty fortunate and blessed by God and am particularly grateful for that. I am son of God made in His image and I truly believe in that. My life has been a celebration of Nature.
So after leaving and finishing the ASCI project, I was idle for sometime till I again started going to Hartex factory and also doing some writing work. I used to write many articles and reading books etc. I prepared a project report on Hand made paper to start that project with the help of Khadi village Industries commission. I made number of visits KVIC and DIC at Patancheru and sangareddy.
After finishing the report preparation, I completed some formalities as to Industry’s papers. As, I individually couldn’t take the benefit of Industry loan finance, I abandoned the idea of taking the loan and Industry. I did form the committee of 9 people as directors or partners to make a cooperative as the funds were available to the cooperative only. As because I was not from AP state, they were not willing to give loan to Individual and so my project got shelved. I was largely much straight forward type of person, so I couldn’t do hanky panky in manipulation etc.
Having given up the idea of forming a cooperative and going for Industry loan – finance, I was looking for some inspired idea, project which will make me creative and productive.
In the meantime during 1991, I attended a personality development course from / by GILD (Gajanana Institute of Leadership Development). It was a fantastic & wonderful course. It brought about a lot of change in the personality – attitude and dealing with the past, emotions, thoughts and feelings. For 14 sessions (or 15 sessions), every alternate day, it was a tremendous experience. Every day was different and some unique experience. We had to give some talk, presentation, speech etc. or some act, joke narration etc. every day. It was fun to undergo & enjoy all this different interactions and activities.
Initially, I was hesitant, nervous and fearful to give presentations freely and fluently, but as time (days) passed, I became more and more confident, courageous and bold in speaking and my nervousness gradually diminished. I gave lot of talks on different aspects of interaction and activities / experiences in life as I had lot of good tales and experiences to tell / share. It was thoroughly enjoyable & well received by the 30/40 odd group of youngsters / people (participants), who were particularly appreciative, encouraging and inspired lot. I came out of lot of worries, fears & negativities in that 11/2 (one and half) months of GILD personality development course and I became more active, dynamic, energetic, confident and assertive & forceful.
I learned to give speeches, speak in front of crowd (mike), give presentation, demonstration, talk and lecture on various topics, subjects and areas of life and work activities and experiences. It was a wonderful get together of nice people and good feelings which were overflowing throughout those great days. I learned, practiced and brought many positive changes & benefits in the personality, thinking and looking at things, past experiences and dealing with day to day challenges mainly in the sphere of people, relationships etc. work and home life became more beautiful and relaxing and I grew in understanding, courage, confidence and ability to dissolve, eliminate or disintegrate tensions, worries, stress etc. Memory and creative games were fun. So, it was terrific, simply great. And, I am very grateful for the same.
I have subsequently participated and attended many such workshops. Before this also, I have taken part and attended Sahaj Yoga of Mata Nirmala Deviji. This method or technique is also quite powerful of acknowledging, practicing and experiencing and living yourself and one’s own self as spirit / spiritual being. As I was passing my days in self-development, contributing some good to others (for others), I made lot of good friends, acquaintances and relationship with nice / good people.
In the meantime, I was visiting Ramakrishna Math now and then to experiencing peace. They had spiritual retreats on some Sundays & it would be positive experience to attend it sometimes. Thus, I was spending time mostly on natural & spiritual practices and may be unable to take care & responsibility (ability to respond) of family, work or social/other responsibilities.
As I had taken a diploma in advanced management from Productivity Council, Baroda, I became close to Baroda Productivity Council. In the December of 1990, I also went to Igatpuri, the headquarters of Vipassana Research Institute and a meditation centre. I attended a second 10 days camp along with the International Conference on value based medical practices. During that time, I also visited Baroda & Productivity Council. I discussed some of my personal issues with the people there and also appeared for IQ, General Intelligence & personality tests which were quite revealing and enlightening. They brought out many things and startling facts. And other people also came to know of my great capacities & talents / skills. So therefore, it was a fruitful & rewarding visit/exercise.
During the year of 1998, when I had begun or started this course, I had spent sleepless nights to finish the exercises (Evaluation Qs) and homework/answers to the lessons. And I felt amply rewarded as I won cash scholarship of Rs 500 also. During the same time, I also started to visit Institution of Engineers, Visveswarraya Bhavan at Khairatabad and started a dialogue or an interaction with few practicing engineers there; I was accorded warm welcome and given positive homely response by some good people there. And in course of our dialogue with some bright engineers, I could strike a harmonious rapport with one or two gentlemen there (or bright engineers). And as they recognized my brightness, merit and talent, they helped me get the recommendation from the distinguished faculty of Engineering Staff College of India. So, I immediately filled up the form for member of Institutions of Engineers (MIE); got the recommendations, verifications from the concerned people and posted the form in full, completely filled up.
In course of time, I was informed of my selection as member of Institution of Engineers, and I felt very happy and grateful about it … that my brightness, merit was recognized.
During the same time in 1987 – 1988, I also visited few hypnotists e.g., Nagesh and earlier Nagaraj (immediately after my coming to Hyderabad from Kolkata) for stress (tension) management and relaxation. I had become very friendly with them and I used to get some relief from that.
Through Institution of Engineers, I also went to Roorkee University for a course on Heat Exchanger design, CAD). That course also, I fully enjoyed but all of that went into vain as I could not apply & implement all those skills / knowledge. And, I also was unable to help my father in his factory set up. There were not many opportunities to implement that knowledge, skills since there was no much work of that type. Therefore on one hand, I was adding knowledge, skills as per my interest & aptitude, which was not useful (as no area of application) and I was unable to utilize them in any useful work set up; And, on the other hand I was unable to help my father and was drawing money resources from him. And he felt that I was not useful to him and helping him. In truth, he and others never realized my potentials and allowed me to work.
I had learnt many practicing and working knowledge about and of Heat exchanger design by the end of computer course and as I had done course on exchanger design with the objective and idea in view, I pursued my activities.
Indirectly, I suppose & belief, I aided or helped him (my father) in realizing his mistakes, errors etc. for which, I feel quite happy and inspired.
With the support, inspiration and guidance of Mr K P Ramesh, I also attended one wonderful workshop / programme on Creative Thinking or lateral thinking by Sri Laxmipathy of a private group - Synergy Systems. I had good interaction, exchange of ideas and dialogue with K P Ramesh and the faculty Dr Rangarajan. I felt that I am amply rewarded by that investment in being accorded recognition and the good words of appreciation by the faculty.
I was motivated by their support (moral) appreciation and friendly advice.
All these, I believe was God inspired / directed for which I felt quite grateful. K P Ramesh was very friendly, understanding etc. and I had a beautiful friend in
K P Ramesh. He had come from Madras and he had good feelings and ideas regarding me as we had developed rapport & many of our ideas were identical and same. In Madras, I had good encounter with one GM (Sales) Sri Badrinath at Hartex Sales Pvt. Ltd. He also recognized my merits and good qualities. Referred by him and spoken well by him and advised accordingly, he carried good impressions regarding me. And, it was good to have him in the midst, nearby and close. Thus I had attended and participated in few beautiful courses & workshops, which was cheering.
Now, I was talking about the visit to Baroda (to Productivity Council) and the personality tests carried out or appeared in there. Visit to Igatpuri and Baroda was rewarding. I was constantly in touch with Baroda by correspondence and my association with Productivity Council, Baroda grew closer & stronger. After returning from Igatpuri and Baroda, I attended another vipassana camp in March / April sometime conducted by Dr (Smt) Tara Yadav, which was also refreshing and gave lot of insights. One of the main insights was that I was unable to free myself & get rid of some emotional past memories, which was taken note by the teacher.
As the year of 1991 drew closer, I was able to land a job by continuing correspondence with Baroda Productivity Council - the representation / presentation job work for them at Hyderabad. Simultaneously, I joined mind training course (correspondence course) given by Darshana centre (of ahmedabad, now Baroda) run by Dr Prashant S Shah. Immediately on joining Productivity Council, Baroda, I conducted a get together – meeting of EKS students, which was well received, attended and documented.
During that time, I happen to meet our old family friend Sri Ashish Mukherjee, an engineer working in Union Carbide, Bombay. He had come to Hyderabad and Baglajee had met him and discussed with him about me, it seems. I had series of talks, dialogues and exchange of ideas with him for a week or so. It seemed, I could convince him, impress him with my ideas, potentials etc. and the work
I had done. He was thoroughly impressed and so it seemed and he arranged for a representation tie-up with a Bombay based equipment manufacturer for chemical process equipments by name M/S Archana Plant & equipments (P) Ltd. That was sometime in August – September of the year 1991and I had gone to Bombay during that time and met the bosses of Archana.
I visited some dozens of process Industries in Hyderabad during that period and generated few enquiries. But all these enquiries were not attended to by the Bombay office. Some proposals, quotations and offers were given which were forwarded to the party (Process Industry in Hyderabad). I was given warm welcome by all the Industry personnel, whom I had visited. They tried their best to accommodate my request but to the extent, it was possible for them to exercise their freedom. I came out wiser with that experience. Out of all the enquiries & hard work put, finally, I could secure one order for heat exchanger from Tata Projects for fin type of heat exchanger. For that work, they had paid nearly quarter of a lac, which they had spent for my expenses etc. (up and down expenses).
Simultaneously, I had started the mind training course with Dr Prashant S. Shah and conducted a meet of EKS students at Hyderabad. There was no continuous activity, but every other month after a lull; I will take up some activity. As the market for process equipments was very competitive and we could secure orders at hiked / appreciated prices, only after by passing local manufacturers & fabricators in terms of price etc., it was next to impossible or very difficult to secure orders unless they gave economy prices and so I stopped working for them.
Again, I was without work / job and I started looking for job again and took up demonstration work for world book series of encyclopedia and publications. Also, I was meeting EKS prospective students for their doubts, queries & information about EKS (Energo - Cybernetics Strategy) course. And I helped BPC secure some enrolments. Prospective students used to come to my place of residence from far off places and it was gratifying to give knowledge and lots of information to them. That was throughout the whole year of 1992 up to 1993 beginning.
At the same time, I was also practicing and pursuing the mind training course. While I practiced and whatever I practiced to whatever degree after that, I used to send the lessons at regular intervals to Prashant S. Shah. The course of mind training was good, but it required forgiving & forgetting whatever wrong or injustice happened to you, which was what I found difficult to apply / implement. Simultaneously, I was doing regularly some writing work and of course extensive reading of spiritual & technical literature. That time, I wrote many articles based on my experiences & learning, which were published by and found place in various journals of repute like viewpoint or disha of BPC and their EKS bulletin.
I visited some people for world book demonstration and also gave few demonstrations, but could not secure any order out of those demonstrations. I gave up prematurely … For any gain, there has to be taken lot of pain as some people use to say which, was the message I got. As I was doing those rounds for world book demonstrations, I was making friends also and it was good that I was making friends, but I was not making mush money. I was learning practices but not getting tangible results and I was getting intangible earnings / learning.
I visited kolkata (earlier Calcutta) in the year of 1992 summer and during that period we also visited Rameshwaram & kanyakumari during the year of 1991 and it was enjoyable excursion trip. As I mentioned, I was not so practical in my approach, so I was not making much money or earning, but I wanted to do innovative revolutionary work, which had not been by others before and I felt capable of doing that also, but others I believe did not believe that. This would have given me a leading position, but it was not to be …
Earlier to this, I took up other business proposals/projects also for chemicals, computer job works etc. but could not implement due to lack of organizational support and finances … This showed, may be in some way that, I was not having good business acumen (?) ! Also, I took up the project for cable TV operations as suggested by Dr Nagesh, the hypnotist. For that also, I did the survey, but did not go through full length and I had met many families & members during that survey.
So, now let us talk about the mind training course with Dr Prashant S. Shah. My mind had to be organized and made free of all at random thoughts going on inside. I was hopeful that the course will help me to organize the thoughts and mind. For this, gainful work was the most appropriate, opportune and practical solution, I felt. I was spending my time in unproductive or non-gainful work. It was natural initially as to establish some business project, you / we have to spend and invest initially. Even starting some one man activity of servicing, consulting one needs to give some free servicing to gain market reputation, currency and establishment. Therefore, it was that teething problem time, the birth pangs of creating a business project. So in that pain and tension, good sense is sometimes lost sight of resulting in friction and disharmony and lack of balance etc. and when wise / good sense is lost, it creates misunderstanding due to erroneous judgment & opinions etc.
I was confident in the venture / project to establish myself as an independent engineering service man and was getting the support of mind & intelligence also, but not the support from people i.e., close people and monetary support. But, still I am grateful for whatever support & encouragement I have received from people close or distant and far off. I used to think, once I was established, my reputation is established by deeds – good deeds, it will be good times, easy times and time to celebrate … In fact life is a perennial, eternal and continuous celebration – what is needed is realization.
By the fag end of 1992, I had organized another EKS 2 - day workshop / seminar at Hotel Ashoka, Lakdi-ka-pul @ Hyderabad. During that time, Mr N. P. Ramachandran and Prashant S. Shah came down all the way to Hyderabad from Baroda to conduct that workshop. I had gone to few industries and procured / secured few nominations or enrolments for EKS workshop from TCI – Gati, Mr Gupta of Kishore Organics & some old students of EKS. In that year, I also put an advert for customer service (Industrial) representation work for Industries or manufacturing companies having customers / clients in Hyderabad and AP region. The ad in ET (Economic Times) was well received and responded against. It fetched lot of responses and queries. I had brought one small typewriter from Bombay from Archana Plants & Equipments and was using it to correspond with the prospective companies.
I landed few good offers and as I had asked for commission against Sales & delivery which attracted people & companies, since they need not pay salary etc. I selected finally one representation work from Madras based company called Impetus Inc. I used to get enquiries to meet and follow up with the local companies / industries. These follow up letters for enquiries were to be attended to by visiting the party / client or customer. It was good work, but no money as the work was for capital intensive process equipments, there was very small target group of users and to strike a deal more than anything else, close rapport and personal relationship, understanding was more essential and needed. In that area ……………………………………………………………………………………., I was not having that much of reputation as my deeds are few & far between and there was no steady deeds; And due to pressures and threatening from parents – family side, the work was done under pressure, tension and therefore with low energies’ During that period, I visited number of clients / users in twin cities especially secunderabad of various specialty equipments.
As advised by Sri G. V. Mohan, BHUOSA member, I also got the application from British Library for Institute of chemical engineers; London … filled up that form and in course of time became the affiliate member of Institute of chemical engineers, IchemE, London. My application was processed in right earnest positively, which was a positive sign of my merit. I started attending the meetings of IEEE or for the first time in 1992 or so; I attended one talk / seminar of IEEE on Faraday’s great discoveries etc.
I was impressed by the talk and I also received good responses to my queries and warm welcome to wherever I went. This kindled my spirits and encouraged me to proceed in this direction towards pursuing this career. I took up the application form of IEEE also and got the recommendation from ICRISAT engineer Sri NSS Prasad, which further proved my merit.
In the meantime, I also became the member of Photographic club of AP and I attended few of their meetings. The membership there was recommended by one member (active member of APPS) who was one of the secretaries / council member. There was no doubt that …. Also, I was able to sell some electronic instruments and health care products taken from AVN Electronics proprietor, Sri A Subhramanyam, who assisted me after we had organized the EKS seminar / workshop in December 1992, when I had the opportunity of meeting / talking with Dr Prashant S. Shah also during that time and it was a …. We discussed many things about my correspondence course also. It was my good fortune to have come in contact with such a person for which, I feel grateful …
As I was spending from home with little returns, there were guilty feelings that I was still depending & drawing from parents. And to compensate for this situation, my wife joined Hartex with my father during 1992-93, as someone had to be the earning member in the family to run the family. Although, I may resent this very much that my father encouraged / trusted my wife more than me, I am thankful for whatever happened.
I used to visit YMCA Secunderabad sometimes and it was my God inspired moment to have met and come in contact with Alias Bandrapalli in a Christian Science meeting and get together one evening. We spent lot of time together and talked over phone quite often. We had marvelous discussion and exchange of views, discussions based on personal experiences. It was great to exchange the ideas and understanding of Truth as revealed in Scripture – Bible etc. I used to attend quite a many other healing congregation, meets of Christian religious leaders at secunderabad brigade parade ground and used to get inspired by them. I also read a book called ‘An Auto biography of a Yogi’ by Paramhansa Yogananda, which left a deep / indelible mark on me. I felt that whatever was written in it was very much possible and is true.
My spiritual realization and identity was more pronounced, so I gave more significance / importance to life qualities than matter based things. As it was very well said by one of the meditators of Sahaj Yoga group, an engineer working in CEAT FGP Industry, that I was a realized soul who was conscious / aware about life flowing within and in others … and when in 1992, I felt my life & vital life energy / force going down and I used to feel tied down / bogged down, I thought and realized that it is better, if I can rejuvenate, brighten and refresh …So I wrote to Vivekananda Kendra, Kanyakumari that I wanted to attend the Yoga camp to refresh / brighten myself up; They directed me to go to Bangalore, Yoga Research Foundation wing of Vivekananda Kendra … I got an application from Bangalore and filled up stating my conditions & situations etc. They invited me to come and attend 15 days of yoga practice sessions. During those 15 days, I jumped into all the daily practices from morning to late night performing and participating in all the sessions. By the end of 15 days, I was found to be competent in performing all the practices, exercises of the Institution. I was found to be very intelligent as remarked by one of the yoga instructor, when he said that to gain balanced and natural (Yoga) way of living; it will not take much time for me as I was very intelligent.
I was offered by Sri Sukumar & Asha didi to attend the advanced Vedanta course being started at the institute campus during that time. But, although I was interested, I think, I made a mistake in not attending the course for whatever flimsy reason, which was somewhat based on emotions i.e., reaction and immature / childish; Also, I had important work of responding to advert responses, which prevented me from attending that course and was also short of funds at that time; may be all this was not sufficient reason … but I really missed that golden opportunity to participate in that course, which may have been a lifetime opportunity and I regret in the present time. Man must not act from reaction and / or emotion etc.
Thus, I was getting trained in Yoga, meditation and mind training as if God – directed / willed for the supreme good of self and for the good of others. And I thank Dhamma (or God) for that as I must feel grateful for whatever Dhamma (or God) has given to me as heavenly gifts and whatever support / cooperation I have received from family, friends, people and society at large. I was exposed to many types of mystery or spiritual learning schools. One such school was Rosicrucian about which, I came to know sometime after passing college, when I was in Kolkata. I had received a wonderful book titled ‘Mastery of Life’. It was beautiful and contained lot of profound truth, wisdom, learning and knowledge in 15 or 20 pages or so. Ever since reading that book in late 1970’s (Seventies) and I wanted to become a member for taking lessons. But, it was not to be till mid nineties, as I was short of funds then also and am now also as nobody was willing to fund it (including my parents) and I was not having my personal income / earnings.
As I did the representation, follow up work for Impetus Inc. without much earnings and came back from Bangalore after participating in yoga practices fortnight, I had become very confident, reassured of my spiritual nature and brightness / high intelligence; also potential & capacity of creative nature and greatness. To do creative work was my lifelong dream, commitment, wish and ambition. I had thought that by becoming member of IEEE, iChemE & IE (I), I will get the opportunity of doing creative work, but this opportunity was not easy to come. I passed the year of 1993 in representing for Impetus Inc. without getting much of earnings and orders; So I stopped working for that …
I found a new Organization of Brahmakumaris (a spiritual organization) where, I took one week course and I intended to practice Raja yoga. After doing any spiritual course, although I was practicing, It was not very effective and regular / sincere; and I believe it was due to the inability to run my daily life properly earning wise and looking after the family responsibility, cares etc. I was feeling frustrated, de-motivated and depressed. As gainful opportunity was not coming or happening, I was not feeling happy. After discontinuing the work of Impetus Inc., I was thinking what to do next …
I started going for morning walks and enjoyed the nature and used to get positive response from the people, I met them; of course, if they were understanding type of people. I had accidentally met Mr Agrawal at one of the Deepawali mela / party. My meeting with him returned all the childhood memories and school days, as he was a school class mate. He called me and asked me to come number of times to meet him and spend time together during Diwali and at other times; I had again met him during ASCI project work. Again, when I was working for Baroda Productivity Council, I had received one enrolment / nomination from his company / organization. So, he was going to be my future employer. During my promotional work for BPC – EKS seminar / workshop, I had also met one HRD manager one Rao, who was also very intelligent chap and the nomination, which was sent from TCI – Gati was Joy Jacob.
I made good friends while, I started going for morning walks during those days. One such friend was Dr Abraham. I again planned to attend one Satipatthana camp (shibir) at Nagarjuna Sagar Center. I was able to get entry into that camp by sheer Dhamma’s grace … The most benefits, I have found is from Rosicrucian, Christian Science, of course my own practice fell little short of regularity; I am grateful for being selected for Satipatthana course, which I completed successfully and also I felt happy and grateful for the same … that was beginning of 1984;
Immediately after few weeks or sometime, I went to meet Mr M. K Agarwal and gave all the papers, written articles and published papers / materials. I made my intentions clear that I wanted a placement and he was enough to let me go and talk to ABC (Projects) people … Also, he arranged for a discussion / interview exchange and a talk with one Dr Seshadri; All this was mere formality and I was retained as a retainer in ABC (India) Ltd., Projects Division & was agreed to be paid Rs 5500/- per month, as a token amount subject to revision. My interactions started with Captain Chakravarthy, Cdr. Raju and Sr. Engr. Seshadri.
There was not much work during that time, when I had joined … One chief engineer – Tripathi was planning to leave and get transferred to Mumbai (Bombay). Other 2 (two) engineers – Srinivas reddy and umesh mishra were also bright engineers. Initially, there was some hesitation on their part to interact, exchange greetings etc. I was given the designation of Exe – R&D; Initially for 15 days, I didn’t get confirmation, but after 15 days, when I had gone to different offices, meeting my old contacts / acquaintances with umesh mishra and after knowing that Dr Seshadri had given instructions to the HRD to let the appointment through … that meant that my appointment as exe – R&D professional was confirmed on 6 months probation and for a period of one year subject to extension after the expiry of one year.
I visited many Industries during few months for procuring works … there were few enquiries from some Industries like Nagarjuna Chemicals, DCL Polyesters, Shakti Gas, Rain Calcining Ltd. etc. I was remaining busy by study, visits to Industries, meeting influential people etc. I made number of visits to HWSSMB and Pollution Control Board (PCB), consultant for ETP at Hussain Sagar etc. It used to be very hot during those summer days and running around was tiring and I was feeling run down with not much work – orders coming around.
I attended Hamfest at Mysore during August / September. Earlier, I had attended Ham Convention at Bangalore during April; I also planned to attend Annual Engineers Convention at Calcutta (now Kolkata). During that time, I also attended Convention of chemical engineers i.e., All India Seminar of Chemical Engineers and I submitted one paper, which was published in the proceedings, but I couldn’t present or read the paper on the podium.
As my stay at ABC (Projects) was extending (and extended), we were fortunate to get a project for platform extension around Budhha statue, which we completed within 90 to 100 days. Later, I attended the Annual Convention of Institution of Engineers (India) at Kolkata (or Calcutta) and made acquaintances and contacts with few people … Returning from Kolkata, I was informed of my paper selection @ IEEE International Conference at Hyderabad on Industrial Automation by Industrial Application Society (IAS). While, the Conference went through superbly and I had planned / intended to present the paper, I couldn’t present it for some personal reasons …
I went to Kolkata once again on the occasion of Sanjay’s marriage … In the meantime, I became the member of Rosicrucian and Institute of Noetic sciences for which, I had to shell out a good amount; I was fascinated, attracted by the lessons and I very much wanted to do and complete them. But somehow, it was difficult to sit quietly, peacefully, silently to pursue them sincerely. There was not much peace and quiet in the mind and there was always some storm of thoughts raging within, in the mind … Answer to this seemed to be settlement in life, career, earnings etc. and this would settle the mind also;
As after the completion of the platform job, there was no further job in ABC (India) Ltd., and also the management was changing hands and there was split in the group companies, I decided to meet Mr M K again and ask him to transfer or shift in his company i.e., TCI – Gati … when I met him and told him about my intention, I was directed to meet his PA. I had a small talk with his senior assistant and decision was reached about taking up certain works and in the meantime, I was asked to meet and discuss with one Sri V. V. Rao. The meeting lasted for few minutes which time he asked me some general questions and he seemed to be convinced of my brightness (Intelligence) as he knew about my being engineer; Anyhow, that time I didn’t know that more obstacles were in store for me in the future. In the meantime ABC Projects (India) office had shifted to Secunderabad and I took up Project Management Software given one Consultant.
The fact remains that I was unable to utilize my talents, merits gainfully and profitability; I made number of visits to sites, where work was going on … I also made a trip to Sriharikota, Space Research Organization’s Rocket launching pad. Earlier also, I had made a visit there in connection with proposal submitted By Archana Plants & Equipments for a reactor and again for transportation purpose / proposal, I visited that place. Like that there was lot of free time and so I was doing lot of studies ... Somehow, I was unhappy and dissatisfied by what I was doing, being unable to utilize my merits etc. Since 1995, till now as I started going down in tiredness, dissatisfaction with work and earnings, unsettlement in life career, inability to utilize merits and friction, trouble with some people.
I continue to find and look for peace, rejuvenation, balance and recharging in number of courses, which I have taken since then … starting from SILT (by Syed Hussain), Life, Vipassana, art of living by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, Reiki by Saroj Pande, SSY by RSVK and Yoga camps by VK Yogas, SMET (Self Management of executive / excessive tension) by VK Yogas & HMA. I have researched, explored and investigated the whole lot of methods / techniques for Stress Management (strain & tension) … Osho, Brahmakumari (BK’s) also, I frequently visited and my search for peace – profound peace still continues … I was appointed Manager – operations in Gati – Cargo Management Services in the may / june of 1996.
One another significant development was introduction to V Kiran of Jaycess, who was a trainer, an engineer and an excellent and wonderful person. He helped me all through to get the trainings and exposure in Jaycees and I am very grateful for the same. Since 1992, when I had come in touch with V. Kiran, he had spotted my greatness & genius and I have been able to benefit out of the training programs and also visited kakinada and other places … help came in large measures from God – Mind, inspired ideas and directions and I place all my gratitude on God – Mind or Dhamma – field (quantum field of all Natural laws, possibilities and creativity?) for providing me with energy, strength and ideas and most importantly wisdom, creative guidance / intelligence.
I faced lot of human relations problem while working at TCI – Gati, a sister concern and Group Company of ABC (India) Projects Division; Initially, I was unable to get the cooperation of the junior & senior staff but slowly, I could create a positive, cooperative ecology and environment by my work. During that time, I also visited Bangalore TCI-Gati hub and transit center … I was given exposure in transit activities. Unfortunately, I also met with a small accident that time, but God saved & helped me, I know very well;
Because of my low vitality, dullness & tiredness, I was not getting that much of welcome / reception from everybody in jaycees, but I am grateful that V. Kiran, as if God sent recognized my merit and gave me all encouragement. Two years back (now 14 years as the write-up is done 12 years back in 1997), I gave lot of suggestions to Jaycees, Mid-Town chapter and also took part in EPS conducted there … In 1996, I became quite active and attended more than half a dozen Individual Development Programs conducted there, beginning Crusade – Human Relations, EPS, Communication, Body Language, Leadership & Leadership Camp, New Member’s Academy etc.
During this time, now 14-15 years back, I also came in touch with Majid running a Nature club and we went to Srisailam forest area to spend a day or two in the lap of Nature / forest. I was very interested in Nature, forest, wildlife and so I thoroughly enjoyed the trip. The trainers at Jaycees were sometimes good and I became close to V. Kiran, Ramanna, Chidambaram, Krishna & many others. I used to attend Chinmaya Mission Programme also 15 years back … One such program conducted by Satish on ‘Efficiency in Action’ was very good and impressive; I now and then attended discourses given by Chidatma Chaitanya at Chinmaya Mission and found them vitalizing and soul stirring. As I was not getting sufficiently recharged in short time and experienced low vitality and fatigue, I was unable to give my best to the work … so work was suffering.
I was always drawn towards good people and I also became the member of Film Club through Nanjappan working at HAL and sometimes used to watch few movies … I attended picnics and spiritual retreats organized by Ramakrishna Math and Life Organization; I took the initiation japa – Mantra given by Swami Sukhbodhananda and others for meditation, but best mantra was observing your / our incoming and outgoing breath and the thoughts rising in the mind and letting it go along with the breath. I had to come to terms with the thoughts, feelings rising in the mind and the sensations produced by them on the body … I had to learn new ways to deal with them.
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