Ek Sadhaka ki Atmakatha ...

Today, I am running forty-third (winter) year nay fifty-three - what happened in these ten years of my life on this planet, we shall see later. That means I have already enjoyed fifty - three winters in my life, having been born on 31st of August, Nineteen hundred & fifty four at around 8 PM at night in a sleepy town near Belur Math, Howrah, West Bengal near Calcutta (Kolkata) metropolis. It was an ancestral house with four generations of people living.

Grand old man, the senior most was living downstairs at the ripe age of around nineties or so, I suppose. The next grandparents used to spend best part of their day in the temple offering their pujas, doing their rituals of worshiping idols etc. The memory which comes to me of those days is that, I was a quiet boy but playful at times. I was reserved, lonely not mixing much but loving and lovable. I was loved by most of the people. I used to spend the days in playfulness, doing odd jobs most of the time and sometimes doing studies or studying. I didn’t have formal schooling up to 6/7 years i.e., up to 1960 – 61. Only informal studies from books at home, sometimes we used to travel to relatives in the city of Kolkata.

I had a sister and a cousin brother who were of same age. I had no other friends at that time. Some far off distant cousins used to be near and give company. There was a nice family servant Jagat at our place, almost like a family member. I remember myself as a very simple sidha – sadha, bhola – bhala SHIVA – bhole baba. And people used to call me as a budhu (bouram) or a boy who used to bear the brunt of all punishment or scolding.

My father was doing some job in a private company and I was closer to my mother or rather my mother was closer to me. Suddenly one day we packed off to KolKata, leaving that ancestral house as my parent i.e., father left the house to stay in a rented house in south Kolkata. Initially, we stayed with some friend of my father. (I was never knowing, informed or aware of why we were going away. That brings out the point that Father was not at all communicative or sharing anything with me either official or unofficial. And he considered me as too small or not worthy of sharing)

The School Life

I joined a kinder garden school in south Kolkata, the little children school. As I was a good student and liked studying, I used to keep myself busy in studying. I was a top student in that school. There I stayed for 2-3 years until 1964 when I changed to another school in Kolkata, South Point School in class III. As I was a good student I secured good ranks among 1st to 5. I had appeared for an entrance test to join the school. I stayed there for a year. As I was little older for the class, I wanted to jump one class. As it was not possible in that school, I appeared for class V test in another school called Rungta high school. There I continued till I finished school in the year 1971 and appeared for high school final exam, which was called higher secondary. After finishing school I appeared for joint entrance test of engineering colleges, as I wanted to be an engineer.

My entire schooling career was the best period of my life as a teenager and a child. I was the best student; the most loved one and a shy – lovable child. I secured / obtained high ranks 1-5 throughout and the teachers had high hopes from me and also parents and others. I also took part in extra – curricular activities and I used to take part, participate in workshop, woodwork, drawings, and volleyball, cricket and drama activities sometimes. I was good writer of essays; poems etc. and used to actively take part in school & class competitions. Also, I took part in general knowledge competition etc. Physics (Naik), Hindi (Upadyaya), Mathematics (HS Gupta) and all other teachers were very close to me. Even Geography, Chemistry and Sanskrit teachers liked and loved me. The principal also loved me. Once in the final year of school during an essay (Hindi) competition, after the writing was over and the teachers went through the write – up, two teachers were having a discussion (dialogue) regarding my write – up. One teacher remarked that my writings were original (that I used to write on my own) and not reproduced from memory & existing materials i.e., copied. Thus my school life had been the brightest point in my life.

During that period in the family, I always did the odd jobs in the kitchen and getting / bringing household goods.
I remember fondly one family doctor Dr Mondol who used to show us magic show – hypnotism etc. Thus passed my school days, during which time, I spent most of the time either studying, helping, sometimes playing badminton etc. I liked & was near to two girl friends in our neighborhood, In fact two more. I had a few close friends all good in studies. And other boys respected me. (?) I was a teacher to some or most of them. Sometimes our family used to go out for long outings / journeys or drive – outs. And I thoroughly used to enjoy these excursions. I was cool, quiet, sharp and collected. I was known as a good boy and had good reputation. Often, I used to spend time on the terrace watching planes, birds and the sky and wondering what is behind the sky. Also, would dream of becoming a part and doing mysterious things like that or creating similar (mysterious) things and exploring more into these things.

Then came one of the most wonderful, beautiful and great / grand moments of this life. I appeared for two major engineering entrance exams, IIT’s and Jadavpur. I was a nervous type of boy before exams. In Jadavpur entrance exams, I was able to do very well and was very much satisfied and happy. I thought I must be among the top few best students. In IIT’s exams also, I did fairly well. And/But was not so satisfied and happy. So I was not expecting much. That wonderful & greatest moment of this life came when I got the intimation of my selection into IIT’s with a rank of 1206 and Jadavpur with a good rank.

My entire family was very happy; my father came / went with me to Kharagpur for the interview. Interview was a formal affair. Some medical tests and allotment of seat / Institute. As I didn’t get Chemical or Electronics engineering at Kharagpur and as I was interested in the same, I was suggested to take Electronics / chemical engineering at Banaras Hindu University – Institute of Technology. As at that point of time, there seemed to be no other option or guidance and I agreed to go to Varanasi for chemical engg and the thought of Jadavpur did not visit my mind. (Looking back, in retrospect, I wonder whether it was a good decision) But, of course, it was a great experience at / in Varanasi. May be, sometimes I feel, I would have been better of at Jadavpur.

The College life at Varanasi:

The five years were in a way turning point in my life. As, I was generally a good student but among the average i.e., middle & upper middle ones, I didn’t secure top ranks and I was the upper mid way. As I did not use to be that studious like in school, I was content with first class and was not so ambitious to get honours or top ranks.
Otherwise, I was considered and famous as an intelligent student. As I used to solve difficult problems frequently and used to give creative solutions & answers to various questions in the class, I became popular, famous and darling of some professors / teachers e.g., Uma shankar, N S Garg, YD Upadyaya, Dr S K ray and S Mall etc. I had one Mr R M Rajput as my roommate in first year. And was near to Devendra kumar tibrewala, Jugal kishore Daga, Bhism Chattwani, Bhojwani etc. I was at good terms with others also. I started taking part in cricket, swimming, badminton and table tennis, caroms, chess etc. from the beginning. Also, badminton, cycling across the country side and sometimes going for a Nature - trek. We used to see / have movies in the open fields sometimes…
In summers after the exams in april, we would go back home and rest for a month or two. In the second year, I applied for endowment scholarship for meritorious students for particular community category of students and was selected for the scholarship of one time lump sum amount.

I frequently visited hobby center at University center and pursued the hobby of photography. I availed the facility of dark room at the Center. I used to go to Electronics club also. Overall, I was a multi - variety and faceted personality and with variety of interests. Although, I was good in studies I was not that popular in terms of mixing and communicative fellow and others used to have different ideas sometimes. Because of my interest in photography, Electronics etc., I was close to some electronics & other branch students also. Through & along with one such friend, I attended Jiddu Krishnamurthy’s lecture also one day for the first time. That was on the banks of the Ganges River.

Many times friends became enemies during those days and again Enemies became friends. That shows how in this world emotional thought and feelings plane things keep changing and oscillating from one pair of opposites (dualities) to the other. And we should not cling to any thoughts, feelings and emotions (likes or dislikes). It is in the realm of change.

Once in the second year, I fell quite ill and had to be hospitalized for mumps at varanasi. During that time many of my college friends visited me at the hospital showing the solidarity and popularity.

My pattern of studies was to be busy in extra – curricular activities throughout the year but attend most of the classes at the same time and study for the Exams at the last minute and get tensed up. In the practicals and experimental classes, I was particularly good. During IV th or V th year, I met one girl from Sri Lanka (Ceylon) in the train while I was coming to Varanasi from Calcutta. We liked each other and exchanged letters for a long time upto beginning of eighties when it got discontinued. Finally, the final year came and we prepared to begin our life and career. It was not clear what I would do. As many students were applying and appearing in competitive tests like TOEFL, GRE, IIMs to go abroad or further advanced studies, I also got interested in pursuing higher / further studies. And I appeared for TOEFL, GRE & IIMs. My scores in TOEFL & GRE were 593 & 640 respectively. During the year 1977, I applied at 6 (six) foreign Universities in Canada & USA. I could not concentrate and study well in the final year as a result I could not write the papers well. I was confronted with the dilemma – What next?

After the exams was over I booked my ticket and returned alone back to Calcutta. At that - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I was feeling very energetic & enthusiastic after coming back to Calcutta, my hometown. And I was charged with super energy and consciousness at that time. Bubbling with energy & enthusiasm, while I was planning (& preparing) for higher studies, competitive exams e.g., SAIL, IOC, Nelco, IIFT, NPC etc., I was applying & trying for regular job also and sometimes going to Kemrub P Ltd., a small scale company directed by my father B K Bagla.

As, I was very ambitious, I did not accept small jobs, which I got, and, was aiming at MBA qualification and further studies also. In the meantime my father and parents became quite worked up & annoyed / angry as I was not going to their factory & helping him. Sometimes, whenever I used to go to the Liluah factory, somehow, I didn’t enjoy the work, as there was not much work or little to do except routine production work.

I was very particular to get selected & earn a good job on my own initiative and independently. At that time - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Also, as per my potential that time, I think I wanted a big responsible job for - - - - - - - -. Slowly, I was getting disappointed, as I felt people were not recognizing my Greatness - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I appeared for quite a number of interviews for technical – managerial jobs e.g., Bengal Chemicals, Shriram, Hindustan Insecticides, Kesoram Ind., Union Carbide, Dunlop etc. At the liluah factory, I was asked to do some development work as starting a chemical laboratory. That I did, but honestly - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - as my mind seemed to be pulled by various and too many ambitions. I was surely brilliant & very bright brain. And felt not being able to utilize that brain properly. I used to read many novels and fiction and non – fiction books.

Human energies and talents were going waste and unused. And there was no individual earnings much and economic freedom / independence. Still I was drawing 200 /500 / 1000 rupees from home or father’s resources.
There was unspoken, invisible and underlying tension and confusion or commotion at home. And I was disturbed during that time at home. There was instability at home, life and in mind due to unproductive work life and no job and busy occupied / engaged day – daily life. My father - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - and of no / low utility/usefulness to him as I honestly was not much close & helpful to him at that time (I will agree) There was unspoken tension, personality or temperamental clash and we rarely sat down together. I felt - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -.
I wanted to create and develop my own individuality, personality and independence. I had to many times do against my wishes many things because of this and I resented this. So, I wanted to become independent financially all the more. During these troubling and trying times, I was taken and advised to consult psychiatrist as I was getting slowly depressed. Few of them were consulted. Finally in eighties (1981), a visit to Vellore hospital for consultation was made which further established my high mental capabilities / capacities and lack of recognition and other cooperation and support from the people, relatives etc. I also went for an interview to Indian Institute of Science for PhD and also got interview call from IIT Kharagpur.

I also used to write many essays and prose works at that time some of which got certificates of merit and appreciation by Competition Success Review. I was getting frustrated that Industry professionals, intellectuals were not recognizing me. And my father - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -. I used to do household works sometimes. And I confess (admit), I was not much of a helping hand at home at that time. I used to travel by public transport (mini buses) etc. And never troubled him for transport in his office/personal car/vehicle. I spent my daytime going to libraries – British, USIS & YMCA, Ramkrishna Mission Centre etc.

And was really confused. (In the meantime, I did post graduate diploma in Business management from Institute of Modern management at St. Xavier’s campus. I joined and worked for two companies during that time i.e., Kanoria chemicals & Ind. and Bestobell India apart from Kemrub and occasionally visited Manav Chemicals P Ltd. which was promoted by brother-in-law. At other times I did reading, writing works and lot of correspondence with pen friends, companies – potential employers and literary pursuits of writing poetry, prose works and magazine scanning. Some of my write-ups were published in magazines etc. I was no doubt an Intellectual in the footsteps of Rabindranath Tagore etc., but a liability to family as a dependent. [a real conflicting situation]. My community tradition…… During those years of turmoil, conflicts, I was going up and down to Varanasi to take up / start something and even floated an idea of consult…ing (…ancy) work as Anup Engineers and joined Department of Chemical Engineering as Research Associate to pursue this idea (in 1984). That was the climax or another high point in life in mid eighties.

I must confess that I have received God sent inspirations and impulses, intuitive ideas at various times in my troubling times which had helped me to face / overcome the situations and I really felt that God was working in my Life which I still feel at this stage and all the times. This experience had prompted our house owners (neighbour landlord) to say that I had to appear for so many tests (examinations) to prove my intellectual and mental Greatness that even Sitajee did not appear for so many tests. That was another phase or chapter in my life. Joining BHU as Research Associate was not without it’s tremors & traumas. I was looked upon as an alien in our department with so many unfriendly characters and energies. I must also confess here that I didn’t know how to face the situation and proact; rather, I used to react (flight) and run away without facing & fighting and winning the situation. [This has been my greatest undoing].

At Vellore, I was told by the friendly doctor, Abraham Verghese that, I am a man of Great potential and that he has seen many people like me and if I do not improve my relationships, understandings with people, environment and situations, I will never be able to come out and that it will repeat throughout my life. It was sorts of prophecy come true to large extent.

Number of astro, fortune tellers & prediction makers were consulted during these days who invariably spoke of my hidden talents, underlying greatness and also…… or rather rejection ………………………………................
…………………………………………………………………………In fact …………….. …………………And also, I was ………………………………………………………….... and opportunities. I used to read stories about Great Germans and would get inspired that some day I will also be doing Great deeds/things. The problem was how to improve the relationship with people (environment) balance & harmonize the same. Somehow the communication to immediate surrounding people had to be improved. Something ……………………………… ………………………………… For that you had to show them ……………………… …………… doing it. Evaluation by the people is subject to positively doing something as remarked by one colleague and friend. This was a Great dilemma how to show to the people by actually doing it, as you had to get a platform, infrastructure and financial support and cooperation from people.

Meanwhile in varanasi, as I was supposed to take some classes, work for PhD, take up projects, do chemical Engineering work (Problem solving) etc., I needed time to put my Energy system in some kind of order, (if not 1,2,3 order, at least zero order); I went to IIT N Delhi to take up Entrepreneurship course at management department. Also, I prepared / appeared for research fellowship at IIT Delhi. As I could not do any / much work in the Department, my extension as faculty was not granted and I had to return back and think about something else. Most of the time at varanasi, I spent the time in library. Otherwise also, I have spent my major part of my time in libraries or studies (work).

Varanasi, I left and landed in Kolkata, back to the square one and was again at the mercy of the events (circumstances). As there was no other immediate option, I was asked to go to Madras (Chennai) by one of the known person known to the family. It was the same situation, which had happened after leaving Bestobell. That time also, I had felt very bad (dejected) and punished myself with traumatic, sad feelings by staying indoors.
That was another bitter experience, which put the life back for another setback by number of years. People at home and others thought that I was not having talent and that is why I was not surviving, succeeding or progressing and was getting discontinuity with various jobs, whereas the Truth was that people were non-cooperative …………………………. And non trusting and ………………………… and condemning & creating hurdles.
My immense talents, capacities and abilities (capabilities) were lying buried deep down in the dark under the cover. And so life was full of suffering and miseries due to non-recognition, non-support and lack of balance and disturbance from people and environment ..………

In this connection, I remember the remark by one of the office colleague by name Freddie at Bestobell that to be at peace with oneself and one’s environment – people, it is important that others should think the same as what you think. Also, he remarked that I had mental capability / quality of a very high order. Another remark by the BHU professor comes to mind that Interview wise, I was all right. Also, remark by some of the people who had taken interview that technically I was good & all right and was intelligent also. But then why did they refuse to take me for the job was their personal reasons, whims and likes & dislikes. Thus because of individual likes & dislikes, my life was suffering. This had happened at some other interviews also. While at Nelco interview (and tests) my rank was IInd and also at IIFT and IOC I was asked meaningless questions ……………………………………………………………………. etc.

I came in touch with few well wishers during those times who recognized my brilliance and greatness such as SC Lodh, Biswas, Dr Mukherjee, Mrs Krishna Mukherjee etc. Also, I had got selected at IISWBM & another management Institute. I remember having repaired the weighing balance of our lady landlord. I used to do household electrical, mechanical repair works and was always fiddling with electro mechanical things & gadgets.
In the school days also, I used to make Mechano-mechanical, wood works, paper works airplanes like glider and used to fly them at Victoria maidan.

I had a small library also and used to write / keep a diary. Very early in life, I learned driving by my own efforts. During the school days, one teacher also used to come at home to give lessons for a year or two. But I found I could do without him. So, it was very clear that the problem was genuine, as people were not recognizing the real talent. The strategy to be adopted was to improve the communicative skills. But I was a good writer and not speaker or extroverted talker / talkative.

I also remember that I went to ………………………… at Calcutta after passing from college. All this was in simple innocence & good faith of simplicity and natural body desires and attractions. Quite a few girls, women folk wanted to be near to me, but I was bit of a disciplinarian, shy and reserved. But I was so simple and innocent that people used to take undue advantage of me. I was cheated quite a few times (occasionally). I was super conscious, full bright and supercharged with lot of energy. I used to feel the radiant enlightened brightness from the brain all the time. It was a very nice, goodness feeling tremendously peaceful, soothing – Great feeling that I used to get the answers to problems and ideas very rapidly, very fast. In the year 1981, I feel / think that I was around 10% down, which over the years in the last two decades or so had gone up to 70 to 80% down and fluctuates between 50 to 80 % for the last one decade i.e., in the present decade of 90’s. The decade of 80’s after returning from Madras saw me becoming sick with jaundice and I was sick for almost a month during which time, I had full rest. As there was an offer of work from the madras man to come to madras and help him out with his office work, I decided to go to madras in the year 1985 during august to December or so after returning from varanasi in the early 1985. The experience at madras was equally tormenting and trial some. Everywhere I was faced with conflicting, opposing and troublesome characters.

In the meantime talks about marriage were gaining ground after returning from madras (1986). Earlier also, they were taking shape or talked about, but I had ignored and resisted as I was not independent and believed that it will not be wise to marry unless one is self dependent and standing on one’s own good pair of legs. Before marriage, there was some sort of drama, which took place to entice me to go in for arrangement of work with brother in law and marriage. As the things were happening over which you had little control and events were forcing me to act in one-way or other. As I was not able to have mastery over the self and the environment, the events and the people around me controlled me. Of course I was selecting, choosing my own options out of available choices but I was feeling thoroughly helpless at many times and victim of circumstances i.e., people with wrong programming, ideas ……………… impurities and negativities.

This brings to focus (fore) the reality that there is tremendous amount of negativity and tensions, evil getting manifested in this world. We have to live in this world among the negativities. So how best we can live by remaining unaffected by the Devil (evil) – lies etc. is what is a challenging task ahead of us. What is required for this is keeping equanimity, balance (Samata-equanimity) of mind in all situations. It may seem difficult (very difficult) at times but that is what paves the way for success or failure.

The sister & brother in law through theirs father’s spirit, arranged for my work arrangement at their small chemical (bulk drug) process plant in the suburbs of Calcutta beyond Jadavpur (narendrapur PO). I was supposed to look after the project (Process plant work) to ensure production, quality etc. And the way things were magnified and projected it became a grand event. The girl in question attracted me beyond all imaginations and expectations. It was sheer joy and liveliness and vitality that attracted me. Also good academic / educational background was real impressive. So as it turned out we were drawn towards each other from the very first moment and mentally decide to give the consent for the wedding (? A big blunder) Being a simple guy, I was again manipulated by elders (others) – parents etc. to agree to their designs of going about planning the marriage, but may be elders, family people …………………… There were moments of suspense when the parents were adamant about certain things on how ……………………………… And, I remember, I had taken a wise and noble decision to take a decision according to my conscience of righteousness and far from pomp and show towards simplicity & girl’s side. I felt good and peaceful about that. In whatever I did, there was shade of honesty and truth even at the cost of loss and/or personal disadvantage at times, even suffering the pain. I always gave more value to life, people, humanity, and humility than material things, wealth, luxury and show of these things even living amongst these things in the house of parents or father. In this context, I remember meeting one medical guy in the train while traveling from Calcutta to hyderabad. He had posed one question that a boat was crossing a river and you had a choice of saving a life or taking a booty or treasure to test my attitudes and intentions. And, I remember, I had opted for saving a life.

Some people love objects - material things or money and use people whereas there are few other good people who love people and use money and material things for the good of all (people)

So, while I started going to chemical process plant at narendrapur PO, where brother in law was managing and owning the works, I used morning and evening locals to commute to the factory and back. Initially, there was some distance, mistrust, apprehension and process of knowing one another with the chemist by name Mr Pal at that place. I came closer as the days passed. Simultaneously, the talk about the …………………… began to take shape and the meetings started taking place. And, finally on ……………., the ……….. was solemnized. The work at Narendrapur chemical plant was mostly operations & process plant engineering. As the guy, Mr Pal was mostly looking after the daily operations of reactor, filters, centrifuge and drying, I was mostly having discussion (technical) and experimental projects of better efficiency drier or drying systems. There was one more guy Mr choudhary, who was involved in the drier. Finally as the drying was one of the problems and there were some financial problems with the management, they could not accommodate me as a technical man and I had to discontinue with them. My brother in law even after knowing my technical / engineering competence and capability ditched me and would not pay for my technical services and knowledge use. He would use my technical knowledge extensively but would not pay for my services & knowledge. This hurt me very much. It was just like having a doctor in the house and take his services without paying him. Even my father and other people would use my services, technical knowledge without paying me adequately and giving me credit for the same. Moreover, because they …………………………………. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… sandwiched between Business people and Professionals who took advantage of my helplessness. Wherever I worked I felt I could do great improvements by creative ideas, but The business or money minded people ………………………… Also, the technical people working with them will know only routine things …………………….. Again, as the things were not moving smoothly, I was …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
That was another major turning point and setback a decade ago. Because at that time, as I was newly married and still very energetic, enthusiastic and dynamic, I accepted the challenge in the hope of doing something. Here, also the management philosophy and their attitude were very ……………… ………………………….. and they bothered about technical things or doing anything to develop, improve technical process and methods. I was caught in doing routine things of supervision at project worksite. Only job was to see that management’s money, things was/were not misused, work was progressing as per schedule time And machineries were erected at the right place in the proper way, civil works was going on steadily and I was supposed / expected to work with these people to see that work did not suffer and everyday’s progress was maintained as per activity bar chart. This was new experience to work in Project execution-implementation right from civil works to commissioning. For this, whatever engineering materials (things) were required / procured had to be technically approved by me. And technical quality had to be ensured. Thus, I became quite busy and active during those days. I used to extensively go to markets for purchase of engineering items / materials to Balanagar, R P Road, Ranigunj etc. for approval and right buy.

Thus maintenance of quality in Engineering works, workshop activity, production work, quality lab testing and boiler, Panel room (electrical work), compressed air work in compressor and cooling tower for circulating process water in machinery was my region (area) or field of work. I thoroughly enjoyed the work in which, I was quite competent and conversant. In the process, I gained some recognition and got some satisfaction- Intellectual and mental-Professional I proved my technical abilities & problem solving in Plant, Equipments, erection, quality lab testing, compounding in rubber items production and plant utilities e.g., compressors, boilers, cooling towers and generators (transformers) I was quiet worker / silent worker but always ready with solution. Also, often getting creative ideas to solve production problem. I was responsible for erecting tensile testing machine with the help of Trilok singh, who was the fitter (mechanic) in the factory at that time. There were other two characters in the factory at that time – S K Haldar and Sajjad Hussain. Both were experienced and old with fixed ideas. It was very difficult to work with them, to act upon or implement any new ideas. Whenever, I ‘ll give any new or useful idea – Haldar babu, without knowing or understanding anything will want to reject it or not implement it, create obstacle in its approval. And Baglajee, the Director will also support him notwithstanding the benefit in its implementation. I remember maintaining the cooling tower sump free of all hardness, fungus/I by regularly ensuring addition of fungicides, softening chemicals to prevent scales in water line. I was getting supplies from the chemical’s suppliers and ensuring regular dosing for the same. This had kept the sump and circulating line free from hard scales. This had made one of the boys (suppliers) remark that the water quality was best among the factories visited by him. Also, for boiler the water was made soft. So, the utilities and Plant engineering side was well taken care of by taking timely actions and repairs.

Days and months passed. I worked for improvement of hydraulic, pneumatic valves. I visited many Industries in Patancheru and worked hand in hand with them. I remember also, having read books on refrigeration and generators, engines etc. Life was comparatively busy, active and relatively happy. But, people were still not so cooperative. There were tensions in relationships, as people were not thinking as myself. In the production, quality problem solving, I used to give ready – creative solution. In compounding, mixing and raw materials and finished tyres, products testing, I did a thorough job. And, I was very creative, knowledgeable. I handled the problems of the compressed air (Compressor), Boiler – maintenance and mixing mills, presses and extruders also. Workshop was a frequent place of visit. I was conversant with lathe machines and my all round interest and knowledge – practical knowledge was extremely self satisfying and joyful. Success is a very important ingredient in life. It creates balance with Environment, Ecology, people and balance within individual. In the absence of success and proper understanding by the people, environment, life becomes a burden, a bed of thorns and pinpricks. To strike a balance within oneself and with eco – environment – people, it is very important that people think the same as the Reality and Truth about oneself (you or me).

Speaking about success and the influence of environment neighborhood thinking and thought process on individual mind and conscious, I strongly feel that unless neighborhood thinking and conscious is not purified and harmonized – balanced, it becomes very difficult to conduct or live your life peacefully, gracefully and honourable

Man’s goal is freedom and liberation. Through creative, productive work, he contributes to the outside world, society and gains self-satisfaction, actualizing of his potentials, strengths and talents given by God. Thus the Truth regarding one’s self is expressed and established in the Universe and surroundings, which creates harmony with-in self, and Ecology.

The stay at Hartex factory at hyderabad was in many ways varied & interesting with many conflicting situations arising out of clash of ideas and opinions. Looking back, I feel I was frustrated by and due to lack of trust, confidence and recognition; there was a blockade to my progress in life. And the life energy was getting bottled up & blocked.

When I had landed at / in hyderabad during end 1986, I had mixed feelings as I was recently married and great responsibility was there on me. But, I was full of hope, energy and enthusiasm, not knowing what was in store for me at hyderabad. As it turned out, Baglajee, my father was very unfriendly and always mistrusted, doubted my intentions without any rhyme or reason. This was a big obstacle, hurdle in my free working. I was feeling very lonely and isolated. And, I had no friends, contacts & known person to talk and exchange ideas, personal difficulties, problems etc. Father was always critical so there was no use, point in talking to him. As, whenever I tried to talk to him, there was rebuff, I couldn’t talk and had the courage to approach him for any free fair & frank discussion.

I started to go to Ramakrishna Math, a center of peace, abode of tranquility – ocean of bliss the very air, vibrations charged with peaceful, silent waves, energy of infinite wisdom. One of the factory engineer, friend & colleague, Mr Naresh Reddy told me about the same as I was new to hyderabad then and even dropped me the first time for which I feel very grateful to him.

As the company people were not responding positively to my ideas, scientific working etc. I was not getting interested in work and once in a while stop going to site work. Also, I would feel certain tiredness, lowness in energy & fatigue on getting up and certain lowering in my life energy. I was thinking what to do & how to become more active & pick up more creative work and achieve better results. I was looking for help and support. And fortunately, few friendly people joined the company. Civil engineer, architect Rami Reddy, K P Ramesh, chartered accountant etc. were encouraging and good moral support. I was thinking (as if God directed) that I have to get the company and support of intelligent people (intellectuals), only then, I could come out of my predicament. So I looked for old students association of BHU or accidentally found (as if God ordained) the office of the BHUOSA and immediately joined and became the member and was elected one of the managing committee members. Before that, I also made a couple of visits to Osmania University department of chemical engineering. Even after coming to hyderabad Hartex factory, I was preparing the bio data and applying here and there. And even attending interviews sometimes. I appeared for one such interview at Kolhapur.

Again, because I had a brilliant intellect and mind, I APPEARED FOR megabytes Computer Academy through competitive exams (my rank being 2nd or 3rd) and started the MCA course on Computer Applications. As if ordained, my eyes also caught the Board of National Institute of Amateur Radio (NIAR) at Raj Bhavan Road. As I was aware of Amateur Radio in my college, I immediately enrolled/joined for the 3 months short course and completed / earned a Grade II license ticket from Ministry of Communication, Department of Telecommunication. That was a great achievement and I was very happy about the same. I believe that all these developments were inspirations & impulses from God Mind. As 1987 was completion of 10 years of graduation, at the fag end of that year, we made a trip to Udaipur where all the old boys of Banaras assembled once again for a get together and had an emotional union.

Another major development in that period was birth of a male child. After marriage on 19th April 1986, we had a powerful post marriage stay together (honeymooning) at hill resort of Nainital. It was a terrific and mind blowing or boggling experience. Every day of a week or ten to fifteen days (two weeks) was a great day. It had its own unique experience, creative content which was thoroughly enjoyable. Also, it was beyond all explanation in words. So, it was simply Great. The seed of the male child was planted there during those days & that period. So ended, our tryst or rendezvous with splendid vacations, recreation.

So attending Interviews, visiting Osmania, other Universities, joining Amateur radio, computers, attending BHUOSA meetings, getting to know G V Mohan for the first time through BHUOSA, visiting Public Gardens for horticultural studies, electronics hobby center / shops, indira park, Ramakrishna Math, British Library, visiting Udaipur, having friendly chat with young coworkers at the plant / factory site became the general routine / order of the day during that period. Ram Reddy introduced me to British Library through his friend. He was a very timely & kindly help during those trying times. It was another of God’s blessings. I was also very fortunate to have a good & kindly neighbour at that time as Mr Ganeshan who was very helpful in understanding mutually. I used to spend quiet times in their house & used to feel peaceful. We also started to go for morning walks together and it was a refreshing experience.

Another development during that time was joining of Sri M Y Sheikh. We could instantly develop mutual rapport & understanding (?). He was also young ambitious, energetic and full of ideas, jest for life, vigour and charged with & to do something. Our mutual natural (?) understanding helped me to find my bearings, earth under the feet & settlement to some extent/measure. Over the years in the next couple of years, again, that association, coming together, turned sour & was on the verge of breaking down and coming apart. Therefore, again it shows that situations, associations, placements in life keep changing. Friends become enemies & enemies become friends & vice versa showing the impermanent/changing nature of worldly affairs, events, happenings etc in our individual, personal experiences. So, I would call my first ten years after college (post college life) as really bright, enlightened but full of dichotomy, paradox, misunderstanding and friction/conflict with environment-people due to their non-recognition, non-understanding & rejection, resulting in inability to get wholesome and gainful work occupation and independence. This apparent reality in physical plane/field created many misjudgments or wrong/erroneous opinions in the minds of close people who were near or surrounding me in the neighbour environment and with whom I was staying together. This also created severe strain on our living together as due to lack of mutual understanding and personal freedom (due to dependence) there was no balancing of relationship. And so, father was consistently threatening me to leave, quit. And even, I was having recurring thoughts & ideas to separate and live independently / separately. Looking back, on this day – May be I am exaggerating, but this is the truth, which is right from the guts for that particular moment. Also, whatever I was experiencing, I was not able to deal effectively with that in my innocence and presence of weak, fearsome / fearful (complexes) thought entities. This somehow was my undoing as it represented ignorance or cowardice and lack of divine quality or influence to some extent. I better not say, lack of divine support but my inability to totally tap its power and richness & glory and greatness.

So I was talking about the entry of Mr M Y Sheikh in my busy life. The factory working life and outward life was becoming more supported and understood by this development. We were working together on the project of Hartex Tyres. The big bosses Surekas and B K who had hired and recruited Mr Sheikh reached this arrangement. During the management/ maintenance of the project, some differences over compounding, mixing came up which created friction and misunderstanding. It was a deliberate attempt on the part of Mr Sheikh to sabotage, cheat the operation of mixing/compounding by unscrupulous methods and get unfair credit. As it turned out, the whole episode backfired. And the compounds made by me behaved very well whereas those made by Mr M Y Sheikh (and dis-credited in my name) failed miserably and became utter failure and with huge losses. I was unduly blamed and told so many things. In fact, my brilliant intellect was at the receiving end from/by the foolish administrators/management bosses.

The brilliant engineering intellect and brain was getting suppressed, suffocated by cheating, malpractices and inhuman behavior, oppressive methods – shouting, suppressions etc. This was leading to generating anger, ill will, hatred emotions-feelings within my own system-heart & mind. This poison in my mind system created agitations (energy) within and unnecessary tensions etc. These big bosses were taking advantage of my helplessness that I was not settled and earning in my own profession and satisfactorily/happily employed, recognized and settled. The approach, strategy and their attitude was always negative and inimical

My own weaknesses – nervous and psychological debility and certain fears prevented me sometimes to rise above and over these exploitations. I think and know for sure that now I am over and above these shortcomings and bold enough to call a spade a spade. As we enter into the next ten (10) years of post college period of my life as started at hyderabad, Hartex factory, I was not knowing then, that, it will be again a period of turmoil, uncertainties and ups & downs, storms.

Father had thought that he had won in condemning me as I had failed in my endeavours and gone back to him to help him. And, as it turned out, that, my technical knowledge & competence was being established, proved, it seemed that he was becoming nervous, jittery or at times he was behaving appreciative.

One, very good development during that time was meeting with & entry of Sri Iyer who was doing some electrical contract work. One day as I was going to factory with the then GM/DGM Mr Ponnuraj, he (Mr Iyer) came along together with Mr Ponnuraj to the factory for some work. In the car, we had small introduction, chat and discussion with him. (In fact I was not introduced, he only asked about me). He was enquiring about some technical data, queries from Mr Ponnuraj. In stead of Mr Ponnuraj replying correctly, I instantly gave the right answer, And after this short exchange, we had good rapport, understanding which created good energies of good thoughts & opinions in the minds of baglagee and other factory personnel / managers during those times. Mr Iyer was a good man of noble traits, humble, honest and of good character. He proved to be of great help as if God sent or God ordained. He arranged, gave me the papers for becoming the member of Indian Institute of Plant Engineers (Copes) for Plant engineering services also. Along with Mr Iyer, I also came in touch with Quality Inspection people from Directorate of Inspection Central department, where I became very much close to one Mr Chowgule. Also, initially there was one Mr Mohan and also some other people. I used to spend lot of time with Mr Chowgule, exchanging ideas of general nature, some business new projects – products & services.

During those times of mistrust, lack of confidence, general disharmony etc. these talks – interaction proved very encouraging, uplifting etc but finally nothing significant came out of that because money & funds was not forthcoming; only ideas were played around in the minds without real & actual work. During all these trying times, the management (Baglaji & Surekas) were playing the villain as bad, negative characters trying to put undue pressures because of their hold on money matters. They were always trying to threaten me by withholding & withdrawing monetary, daily living support unless I toe their line of thinking and listen to their ill advise (sometimes, may be good ones also).

During those times in the Hartex factory, I was feeling run down and somewhat bogged down by the high handedness, harsh worded treatment and sometimes ill-treatment by the workers, colleagues. Also, casually criticized or passed remarks etc. It was mostly a psychological war. It created lot of psychological anxiety and stress. These worries and strain & tensions were very unholy and I was suffering the pangs of materialistic hard energies and this hard-concretized matter was burdening my physiology. And so I wanted to come out of this. And also, I was not happy being unhappy.

I was losing interest in working and living and wanted to live with nature. I used to spend lot of time with Nature – park, greenery, plants, trees, water ponds, hills and wildlife, animals etc. I am, in fact a nature loving person, a man of nature a man born of nature and in the lap of nature. Whenever, I am with or in nature, I enjoy it thoroughly. I want to spend my whole life in the lap of nature in the woods, wildlife and out in the open, in forests, agricultural & deep, dense thick jungles. I wish I could spend the whole life in the midst of nature and its magical influences, its life giving power, energy and vitality. Whenever I am with nature, I feel so good, easy, relaxed and like I have come home. The enlightenment and consciousness expansion which starts happening is something beyond this world of me-my and mine.

You feel the whole nature, existence, creation and Universe is living, singing and dancing with you. You feel the oneness with all things natural, created – creatures. The ocean sings and dances. The rains, mountains, the birds, the gurgling of river waters etc. all become so mysteriously grand, joyful and marvelous. Its simply great to be able to enjoy the beauties hidden in nature, creation. I believe that I was always inspired by nature, the oceans, the trees, birds, rains etc.