Ek Sadhaka ki Atmakatha (2), Continued ...

Continued ...

Working in Hartex and having a brush now & then with management, people was nothing unusual, rather it was expected. As my interests, materially was dying down, I wanted to do some great creative things. I was looking for opportunities. As it happened at the fag end of 1989, when I wanted to start anew / afresh, I was not knowing what to do and groping in dark, I thought I would start marketing some novel product – items. One such product which I thought of was an instant water heater … One of my cousin brothers had come from Kolkata or (Calcutta) to Hyderabad during that time and he ventured or offered to help me to market the products in Calcutta. But all were empty words; No relatives could be counted upon … (But no malice at the same time)

When during this fluid state and days, I was wondering what to do, I intuitively and impulsively was drawn towards the premises & imposing building of Administrative Staff College of India at Khairatabad. As if God directed, I entered the premises to enquire about the activities carried out at ASCI. I was interested to take up some project so that it will keep me in good spirits, health and well being and earn my daily bread & livelihood also.

I enquired from the reception who were the contact persons in the field of production, operation management etc. I was informed about one Dr Shetty.

I met him and the meeting was successful, as I had done diploma – advanced management from Productivity Council, Baroda, I asked him whether I can work on any project.

After small talk with him, when I told him that I did my graduation in engineering from IT(IIT) Banaras / Varanasi, he was instantly impressed as he found me to be intelligent.

So I am very happy to say that he offered me cake, pastry and coffee right there and then. I am and must be very happy to take pride …. Really, I am grateful on account of this God directed event action and happening. He advised me to meet faculty Dr B. Bowonder and personally hand over the application to take up project work.

I did as directed and personally handed him the CV (Bio data) and a small letter saying that I wanted to take holiday for sometime from active stressful/tension working life and relax during the project work. Fortunately, as if God directed good sense, impression and understanding prevailed (in his mind) and I was asked to come again after sometime during which time he would circulate the bio-data and find out whether & if there was any project. Luckily, next time I was informed that there was project in Energy Management Area. I was called at a certain time and formality of interview, discussion was completed with Dr Arif Waqif.

So thus I landed and started the project on Energy Management Practices. I enjoyed the work thoroughly even though it was hard work and taxing at times.

I visited number of process Industries in Hyderabad, Visakhapatnam and Bombay. I visited Bombay once for fifteen days. Initially, I started mailing to different lists of Industries. Except few bitter experiences, I got good responses from most of the Industries. Together with good interaction / discussion on plant engineering matters, I was able to derive joy and satisfaction out of creative efforts and work. Immediately after joining Dr Bowonder seemed to have disliked some nervous traits in me. And so he became bit unfriendly sometimes and I had maddening fears & worries many times which will bind me down.

I struggled with my predicament-condition and also project work. I called many people (Industries), took appointments and met them, made notes and reports etc. Thus passed one of my greater challenges and it was really worthwhile. In between there was some hold - ups, discontinuity, breaks & leaves etc. due to some misunderstandings with the head. But soon it was possible to melt it down & dissolve it. And I completed that assignment with flying colors. I could not get another job or project after completing that one and so I felt depressed. Therefore I planned to go to ten days Vipassana meditation camp or courses for uplifting myself.

Regarding Vipassana, I had known and heard during the days as far back as (1984) the days spent at IIT, ND during Research Associate days at Varanasi.
I had attended a talk by Sri Goenkalji at IIT, ND and I was impressed by it.
Also, I had read about it in some magazine called Dharmayuga. So, I was interested and inclined towards attending one such camp/workshop. Also sometime in the middle of 1990 after completing the ASCI assignment, I attended one talk by Goenkaji at Rabindra Bharati. I was very much enlightened by the talk. And took the decision to attend it any cost at the next available opportunity.

That great opportunity arrived sometime in puja holidays or days of that year i.e., 1990. And I spent 10 – days of silent sadhana practicing meditation for almost 14-15 hours every day getting up at 4 AM and retiring at 10 - 10:30 PM …

We started with ana-pana or breathe observation – the ingoing and outgoing breath … just observing - it as it is (annapanasati); This went on for 3 and a half days. Then Vipassana was given from the top of the head and the journey of observing the sensations all over the body from the top to bottom began. It was a unique experience …

Speaking about meditation practices, I was attracted to Yoga & Meditation right from my college or even school days. During my college days, I used to read a book on Yoga, which was quite knowledgeable and during the fag end of college days, I had received some kind of enlightenment which was visible and experienced in the evolved, enlightened consciousness and high intelligence (IQ) of over 130 … So my interests in yoga, meditation and spirituality is inborn and dates back to school and college days. But it had flowered / blossomed only after college in the eighties.

I was attracted towards the teachings of Vivekananda and his message … I often visited Ramakrishna Mission Institute of Culture at Golpark. I remember vividly, one day, I came across the enlightened bright mind of a gentleman boarding and getting into a car at the entrance of the Institute just as a century back, Swami Vivekananda looked from the photo, which I saw of his with his colleagues at the demise of Sri Ramakrishna.

I used to read the book on Raman Maharishi and other publications/books on divine life by Rishikesh Divine Life Society. I used to attend the discourses by Swami Parthasarthy. So the spiritual side and spirituality was very much experienced in my life.

I was drawn towards Christian literature also from the beginning after college. In reality when in 1981, I had gone to madras en-route to vellore, one pundit had remarked that I had seeds of greatness, that I would write books, theories and laws which will be well known. So the spirituality was very well developed in me. And, I could read the minds of others very easily and get intuitive ideas and many other flashes from consciousness. So, I consider myself pretty fortunate and blessed by God and am particularly grateful for that. I am son of God made in His image and I truly believe in that. My life has been a celebration of Nature.

So after leaving and finishing the ASCI project, I was idle for sometime till I again started going to Hartex factory and also doing some writing work. I used to write many articles and reading books etc. I prepared a project report on Hand made paper to start that project with the help of Khadi village Industries commission. I made number of visits KVIC and DIC at Patancheru and sangareddy.

After finishing the report preparation, I completed some formalities as to Industry’s papers. As, I individually couldn’t take the benefit of Industry loan finance, I abandoned the idea of taking the loan and Industry. I did form the committee of 9 people as directors or partners to make a cooperative as the funds were available to the cooperative only. As because I was not from AP state, they were not willing to give loan to Individual and so my project got shelved. I was largely much straight forward type of person, so I couldn’t do hanky panky in manipulation etc.

Having given up the idea of forming a cooperative and going for Industry loan – finance, I was looking for some inspired idea, project which will make me creative and productive.

In the meantime during 1991, I attended a personality development course from / by GILD (Gajanana Institute of Leadership Development). It was a fantastic & wonderful course. It brought about a lot of change in the personality – attitude and dealing with the past, emotions, thoughts and feelings. For 14 sessions (or 15 sessions), every alternate day, it was a tremendous experience. Every day was different and some unique experience. We had to give some talk, presentation, speech etc. or some act, joke narration etc. every day. It was fun to undergo & enjoy all this different interactions and activities.

Initially, I was hesitant, nervous and fearful to give presentations freely and fluently, but as time (days) passed, I became more and more confident, courageous and bold in speaking and my nervousness gradually diminished. I gave lot of talks on different aspects of interaction and activities / experiences in life as I had lot of good tales and experiences to tell / share. It was thoroughly enjoyable & well received by the 30/40 odd group of youngsters / people (participants), who were particularly appreciative, encouraging and inspired lot. I came out of lot of worries, fears & negativities in that 11/2 (one and half) months of GILD personality development course and I became more active, dynamic, energetic, confident and assertive & forceful.

I learned to give speeches, speak in front of crowd (mike), give presentation, demonstration, talk and lecture on various topics, subjects and areas of life and work activities and experiences. It was a wonderful get together of nice people and good feelings which were overflowing throughout those great days. I learned, practiced and brought many positive changes & benefits in the personality, thinking and looking at things, past experiences and dealing with day to day challenges mainly in the sphere of people, relationships etc. work and home life became more beautiful and relaxing and I grew in understanding, courage, confidence and ability to dissolve, eliminate or disintegrate tensions, worries, stress etc. Memory and creative games were fun. So, it was terrific, simply great. And, I am very grateful for the same.

I have subsequently participated and attended many such workshops. Before this also, I have taken part and attended Sahaj Yoga of Mata Nirmala Deviji. This method or technique is also quite powerful of acknowledging, practicing and experiencing and living yourself and one’s own self as spirit / spiritual being. As I was passing my days in self-development, contributing some good to others (for others), I made lot of good friends, acquaintances and relationship with nice / good people.

In the meantime, I was visiting Ramakrishna Math now and then to experiencing peace. They had spiritual retreats on some Sundays & it would be positive experience to attend it sometimes. Thus, I was spending time mostly on natural & spiritual practices and may be unable to take care & responsibility (ability to respond) of family, work or social/other responsibilities.

As I had taken a diploma in advanced management from Productivity Council, Baroda, I became close to Baroda Productivity Council. In the December of 1990, I also went to Igatpuri, the headquarters of Vipassana Research Institute and a meditation centre. I attended a second 10 days camp along with the International Conference on value based medical practices. During that time, I also visited Baroda & Productivity Council. I discussed some of my personal issues with the people there and also appeared for IQ, General Intelligence & personality tests which were quite revealing and enlightening. They brought out many things and startling facts. And other people also came to know of my great capacities & talents / skills. So therefore, it was a fruitful & rewarding visit/exercise.

During the year of 1998, when I had begun or started this course, I had spent sleepless nights to finish the exercises (Evaluation Qs) and homework/answers to the lessons. And I felt amply rewarded as I won cash scholarship of Rs 500 also. During the same time, I also started to visit Institution of Engineers, Visveswarraya Bhavan at Khairatabad and started a dialogue or an interaction with few practicing engineers there; I was accorded warm welcome and given positive homely response by some good people there. And in course of our dialogue with some bright engineers, I could strike a harmonious rapport with one or two gentlemen there (or bright engineers). And as they recognized my brightness, merit and talent, they helped me get the recommendation from the distinguished faculty of Engineering Staff College of India. So, I immediately filled up the form for member of Institutions of Engineers (MIE); got the recommendations, verifications from the concerned people and posted the form in full, completely filled up.

In course of time, I was informed of my selection as member of Institution of Engineers, and I felt very happy and grateful about it … that my brightness, merit was recognized.

During the same time in 1987 – 1988, I also visited few hypnotists e.g., Nagesh and earlier Nagaraj (immediately after my coming to Hyderabad from Kolkata) for stress (tension) management and relaxation. I had become very friendly with them and I used to get some relief from that.

Through Institution of Engineers, I also went to Roorkee University for a course on Heat Exchanger design, CAD). That course also, I fully enjoyed but all of that went into vain as I could not apply & implement all those skills / knowledge. And, I also was unable to help my father in his factory set up. There were not many opportunities to implement that knowledge, skills since there was no much work of that type. Therefore on one hand, I was adding knowledge, skills as per my interest & aptitude, which was not useful (as no area of application) and I was unable to utilize them in any useful work set up; And, on the other hand I was unable to help my father and was drawing money resources from him. And he felt that I was not useful to him and helping him. In truth, he and others never realized my potentials and allowed me to work.

I had learnt many practicing and working knowledge about and of Heat exchanger design by the end of computer course and as I had done course on exchanger design with the objective and idea in view, I pursued my activities.
Indirectly, I suppose & belief, I aided or helped him (my father) in realizing his mistakes, errors etc. for which, I feel quite happy and inspired.

With the support, inspiration and guidance of Mr K P Ramesh, I also attended one wonderful workshop / programme on Creative Thinking or lateral thinking by Sri Laxmipathy of a private group - Synergy Systems. I had good interaction, exchange of ideas and dialogue with K P Ramesh and the faculty Dr Rangarajan. I felt that I am amply rewarded by that investment in being accorded recognition and the good words of appreciation by the faculty.
I was motivated by their support (moral) appreciation and friendly advice.

All these, I believe was God inspired / directed for which I felt quite grateful. K P Ramesh was very friendly, understanding etc. and I had a beautiful friend in
K P Ramesh. He had come from Madras and he had good feelings and ideas regarding me as we had developed rapport & many of our ideas were identical and same. In Madras, I had good encounter with one GM (Sales) Sri Badrinath at Hartex Sales Pvt. Ltd. He also recognized my merits and good qualities. Referred by him and spoken well by him and advised accordingly, he carried good impressions regarding me. And, it was good to have him in the midst, nearby and close. Thus I had attended and participated in few beautiful courses & workshops, which was cheering.

Now, I was talking about the visit to Baroda (to Productivity Council) and the personality tests carried out or appeared in there. Visit to Igatpuri and Baroda was rewarding. I was constantly in touch with Baroda by correspondence and my association with Productivity Council, Baroda grew closer & stronger. After returning from Igatpuri and Baroda, I attended another vipassana camp in March / April sometime conducted by Dr (Smt) Tara Yadav, which was also refreshing and gave lot of insights. One of the main insights was that I was unable to free myself & get rid of some emotional past memories, which was taken note by the teacher.

As the year of 1991 drew closer, I was able to land a job by continuing correspondence with Baroda Productivity Council - the representation / presentation job work for them at Hyderabad. Simultaneously, I joined mind training course (correspondence course) given by Darshana centre (of ahmedabad, now Baroda) run by Dr Prashant S Shah. Immediately on joining Productivity Council, Baroda, I conducted a get together – meeting of EKS students, which was well received, attended and documented.

During that time, I happen to meet our old family friend Sri Ashish Mukherjee, an engineer working in Union Carbide, Bombay. He had come to Hyderabad and Baglajee had met him and discussed with him about me, it seems. I had series of talks, dialogues and exchange of ideas with him for a week or so. It seemed, I could convince him, impress him with my ideas, potentials etc. and the work

I had done. He was thoroughly impressed and so it seemed and he arranged for a representation tie-up with a Bombay based equipment manufacturer for chemical process equipments by name M/S Archana Plant & equipments (P) Ltd. That was sometime in August – September of the year 1991and I had gone to Bombay during that time and met the bosses of Archana.

I visited some dozens of process Industries in Hyderabad during that period and generated few enquiries. But all these enquiries were not attended to by the Bombay office. Some proposals, quotations and offers were given which were forwarded to the party (Process Industry in Hyderabad). I was given warm welcome by all the Industry personnel, whom I had visited. They tried their best to accommodate my request but to the extent, it was possible for them to exercise their freedom. I came out wiser with that experience. Out of all the enquiries & hard work put, finally, I could secure one order for heat exchanger from Tata Projects for fin type of heat exchanger. For that work, they had paid nearly quarter of a lac, which they had spent for my expenses etc. (up and down expenses).

Simultaneously, I had started the mind training course with Dr Prashant S. Shah and conducted a meet of EKS students at Hyderabad. There was no continuous activity, but every other month after a lull; I will take up some activity. As the market for process equipments was very competitive and we could secure orders at hiked / appreciated prices, only after by passing local manufacturers & fabricators in terms of price etc., it was next to impossible or very difficult to secure orders unless they gave economy prices and so I stopped working for them.

Again, I was without work / job and I started looking for job again and took up demonstration work for world book series of encyclopedia and publications. Also, I was meeting EKS prospective students for their doubts, queries & information about EKS (Energo - Cybernetics Strategy) course. And I helped BPC secure some enrolments. Prospective students used to come to my place of residence from far off places and it was gratifying to give knowledge and lots of information to them. That was throughout the whole year of 1992 up to 1993 beginning.

At the same time, I was also practicing and pursuing the mind training course. While I practiced and whatever I practiced to whatever degree after that, I used to send the lessons at regular intervals to Prashant S. Shah. The course of mind training was good, but it required forgiving & forgetting whatever wrong or injustice happened to you, which was what I found difficult to apply / implement. Simultaneously, I was doing regularly some writing work and of course extensive reading of spiritual & technical literature. That time, I wrote many articles based on my experiences & learning, which were published by and found place in various journals of repute like viewpoint or disha of BPC and their EKS bulletin.

I visited some people for world book demonstration and also gave few demonstrations, but could not secure any order out of those demonstrations. I gave up prematurely … For any gain, there has to be taken lot of pain as some people use to say which, was the message I got. As I was doing those rounds for world book demonstrations, I was making friends also and it was good that I was making friends, but I was not making mush money. I was learning practices but not getting tangible results and I was getting intangible earnings / learning.

I visited kolkata (earlier Calcutta) in the year of 1992 summer and during that period we also visited Rameshwaram & kanyakumari during the year of 1991 and it was enjoyable excursion trip. As I mentioned, I was not so practical in my approach, so I was not making much money or earning, but I wanted to do innovative revolutionary work, which had not been by others before and I felt capable of doing that also, but others I believe did not believe that. This would have given me a leading position, but it was not to be …

Earlier to this, I took up other business proposals/projects also for chemicals, computer job works etc. but could not implement due to lack of organizational support and finances … This showed, may be in some way that, I was not having good business acumen (?) ! Also, I took up the project for cable TV operations as suggested by Dr Nagesh, the hypnotist. For that also, I did the survey, but did not go through full length and I had met many families & members during that survey.

So, now let us talk about the mind training course with Dr Prashant S. Shah. My mind had to be organized and made free of all at random thoughts going on inside. I was hopeful that the course will help me to organize the thoughts and mind. For this, gainful work was the most appropriate, opportune and practical solution, I felt. I was spending my time in unproductive or non-gainful work. It was natural initially as to establish some business project, you / we have to spend and invest initially. Even starting some one man activity of servicing, consulting one needs to give some free servicing to gain market reputation, currency and establishment. Therefore, it was that teething problem time, the birth pangs of creating a business project. So in that pain and tension, good sense is sometimes lost sight of resulting in friction and disharmony and lack of balance etc. and when wise / good sense is lost, it creates misunderstanding due to erroneous judgment & opinions etc.

I was confident in the venture / project to establish myself as an independent engineering service man and was getting the support of mind & intelligence also, but not the support from people i.e., close people and monetary support. But, still I am grateful for whatever support & encouragement I have received from people close or distant and far off. I used to think, once I was established, my reputation is established by deeds – good deeds, it will be good times, easy times and time to celebrate … In fact life is a perennial, eternal and continuous celebration – what is needed is realization.

By the fag end of 1992, I had organized another EKS 2 - day workshop / seminar at Hotel Ashoka, Lakdi-ka-pul @ Hyderabad. During that time, Mr N. P. Ramachandran and Prashant S. Shah came down all the way to Hyderabad from Baroda to conduct that workshop. I had gone to few industries and procured / secured few nominations or enrolments for EKS workshop from TCI – Gati, Mr Gupta of Kishore Organics & some old students of EKS. In that year, I also put an advert for customer service (Industrial) representation work for Industries or manufacturing companies having customers / clients in Hyderabad and AP region. The ad in ET (Economic Times) was well received and responded against. It fetched lot of responses and queries. I had brought one small typewriter from Bombay from Archana Plants & Equipments and was using it to correspond with the prospective companies.

I landed few good offers and as I had asked for commission against Sales & delivery which attracted people & companies, since they need not pay salary etc. I selected finally one representation work from Madras based company called Impetus Inc. I used to get enquiries to meet and follow up with the local companies / industries. These follow up letters for enquiries were to be attended to by visiting the party / client or customer. It was good work, but no money as the work was for capital intensive process equipments, there was very small target group of users and to strike a deal more than anything else, close rapport and personal relationship, understanding was more essential and needed. In that area ……………………………………………………………………………………., I was not having that much of reputation as my deeds are few & far between and there was no steady deeds; And due to pressures and threatening from parents – family side, the work was done under pressure, tension and therefore with low energies’ During that period, I visited number of clients / users in twin cities especially secunderabad of various specialty equipments.

As advised by Sri G. V. Mohan, BHUOSA member, I also got the application from British Library for Institute of chemical engineers; London … filled up that form and in course of time became the affiliate member of Institute of chemical engineers, IchemE, London. My application was processed in right earnest positively, which was a positive sign of my merit. I started attending the meetings of IEEE or for the first time in 1992 or so; I attended one talk / seminar of IEEE on Faraday’s great discoveries etc.

I was impressed by the talk and I also received good responses to my queries and warm welcome to wherever I went. This kindled my spirits and encouraged me to proceed in this direction towards pursuing this career. I took up the application form of IEEE also and got the recommendation from ICRISAT engineer Sri NSS Prasad, which further proved my merit.

In the meantime, I also became the member of Photographic club of AP and I attended few of their meetings. The membership there was recommended by one member (active member of APPS) who was one of the secretaries / council member. There was no doubt that …. Also, I was able to sell some electronic instruments and health care products taken from AVN Electronics proprietor, Sri A Subhramanyam, who assisted me after we had organized the EKS seminar / workshop in December 1992, when I had the opportunity of meeting / talking with Dr Prashant S. Shah also during that time and it was a …. We discussed many things about my correspondence course also. It was my good fortune to have come in contact with such a person for which, I feel grateful …

As I was spending from home with little returns, there were guilty feelings that I was still depending & drawing from parents. And to compensate for this situation, my wife joined Hartex with my father during 1992-93, as someone had to be the earning member in the family to run the family. Although, I may resent this very much that my father encouraged / trusted my wife more than me, I am thankful for whatever happened.

I used to visit YMCA Secunderabad sometimes and it was my God inspired moment to have met and come in contact with Alias Bandrapalli in a Christian Science meeting and get together one evening. We spent lot of time together and talked over phone quite often. We had marvelous discussion and exchange of views, discussions based on personal experiences. It was great to exchange the ideas and understanding of Truth as revealed in Scripture – Bible etc. I used to attend quite a many other healing congregation, meets of Christian religious leaders at secunderabad brigade parade ground and used to get inspired by them. I also read a book called ‘An Auto biography of a Yogi’ by Paramhansa Yogananda, which left a deep / indelible mark on me. I felt that whatever was written in it was very much possible and is true.

My spiritual realization and identity was more pronounced, so I gave more significance / importance to life qualities than matter based things. As it was very well said by one of the meditators of Sahaj Yoga group, an engineer working in CEAT FGP Industry, that I was a realized soul who was conscious / aware about life flowing within and in others … and when in 1992, I felt my life & vital life energy / force going down and I used to feel tied down / bogged down, I thought and realized that it is better, if I can rejuvenate, brighten and refresh …So I wrote to Vivekananda Kendra, Kanyakumari that I wanted to attend the Yoga camp to refresh / brighten myself up; They directed me to go to Bangalore, Yoga Research Foundation wing of Vivekananda Kendra … I got an application from Bangalore and filled up stating my conditions & situations etc. They invited me to come and attend 15 days of yoga practice sessions. During those 15 days, I jumped into all the daily practices from morning to late night performing and participating in all the sessions. By the end of 15 days, I was found to be competent in performing all the practices, exercises of the Institution. I was found to be very intelligent as remarked by one of the yoga instructor, when he said that to gain balanced and natural (Yoga) way of living; it will not take much time for me as I was very intelligent.

I was offered by Sri Sukumar & Asha didi to attend the advanced Vedanta course being started at the institute campus during that time. But, although I was interested, I think, I made a mistake in not attending the course for whatever flimsy reason, which was somewhat based on emotions i.e., reaction and immature / childish; Also, I had important work of responding to advert responses, which prevented me from attending that course and was also short of funds at that time; may be all this was not sufficient reason … but I really missed that golden opportunity to participate in that course, which may have been a lifetime opportunity and I regret in the present time. Man must not act from reaction and / or emotion etc.

Thus, I was getting trained in Yoga, meditation and mind training as if God – directed / willed for the supreme good of self and for the good of others. And I thank Dhamma (or God) for that as I must feel grateful for whatever Dhamma (or God) has given to me as heavenly gifts and whatever support / cooperation I have received from family, friends, people and society at large. I was exposed to many types of mystery or spiritual learning schools. One such school was Rosicrucian about which, I came to know sometime after passing college, when I was in Kolkata. I had received a wonderful book titled ‘Mastery of Life’. It was beautiful and contained lot of profound truth, wisdom, learning and knowledge in 15 or 20 pages or so. Ever since reading that book in late 1970’s (Seventies) and I wanted to become a member for taking lessons. But, it was not to be till mid nineties, as I was short of funds then also and am now also as nobody was willing to fund it (including my parents) and I was not having my personal income / earnings.

As I did the representation, follow up work for Impetus Inc. without much earnings and came back from Bangalore after participating in yoga practices fortnight, I had become very confident, reassured of my spiritual nature and brightness / high intelligence; also potential & capacity of creative nature and greatness. To do creative work was my lifelong dream, commitment, wish and ambition. I had thought that by becoming member of IEEE, iChemE & IE (I), I will get the opportunity of doing creative work, but this opportunity was not easy to come. I passed the year of 1993 in representing for Impetus Inc. without getting much of earnings and orders; So I stopped working for that …

I found a new Organization of Brahmakumaris (a spiritual organization) where, I took one week course and I intended to practice Raja yoga. After doing any spiritual course, although I was practicing, It was not very effective and regular / sincere; and I believe it was due to the inability to run my daily life properly earning wise and looking after the family responsibility, cares etc. I was feeling frustrated, de-motivated and depressed. As gainful opportunity was not coming or happening, I was not feeling happy. After discontinuing the work of Impetus Inc., I was thinking what to do next …

I started going for morning walks and enjoyed the nature and used to get positive response from the people, I met them; of course, if they were understanding type of people. I had accidentally met Mr Agrawal at one of the Deepawali mela / party. My meeting with him returned all the childhood memories and school days, as he was a school class mate. He called me and asked me to come number of times to meet him and spend time together during Diwali and at other times; I had again met him during ASCI project work. Again, when I was working for Baroda Productivity Council, I had received one enrolment / nomination from his company / organization. So, he was going to be my future employer. During my promotional work for BPC – EKS seminar / workshop, I had also met one HRD manager one Rao, who was also very intelligent chap and the nomination, which was sent from TCI – Gati was Joy Jacob.

I made good friends while, I started going for morning walks during those days. One such friend was Dr Abraham. I again planned to attend one Satipatthana camp (shibir) at Nagarjuna Sagar Center. I was able to get entry into that camp by sheer Dhamma’s grace … The most benefits, I have found is from Rosicrucian, Christian Science, of course my own practice fell little short of regularity; I am grateful for being selected for Satipatthana course, which I completed successfully and also I felt happy and grateful for the same … that was beginning of 1984;

Immediately after few weeks or sometime, I went to meet Mr M. K Agarwal and gave all the papers, written articles and published papers / materials. I made my intentions clear that I wanted a placement and he was enough to let me go and talk to ABC (Projects) people … Also, he arranged for a discussion / interview exchange and a talk with one Dr Seshadri; All this was mere formality and I was retained as a retainer in ABC (India) Ltd., Projects Division & was agreed to be paid Rs 5500/- per month, as a token amount subject to revision. My interactions started with Captain Chakravarthy, Cdr. Raju and Sr. Engr. Seshadri.

There was not much work during that time, when I had joined … One chief engineer – Tripathi was planning to leave and get transferred to Mumbai (Bombay). Other 2 (two) engineers – Srinivas reddy and umesh mishra were also bright engineers. Initially, there was some hesitation on their part to interact, exchange greetings etc. I was given the designation of Exe – R&D; Initially for 15 days, I didn’t get confirmation, but after 15 days, when I had gone to different offices, meeting my old contacts / acquaintances with umesh mishra and after knowing that Dr Seshadri had given instructions to the HRD to let the appointment through … that meant that my appointment as exe – R&D professional was confirmed on 6 months probation and for a period of one year subject to extension after the expiry of one year.

I visited many Industries during few months for procuring works … there were few enquiries from some Industries like Nagarjuna Chemicals, DCL Polyesters, Shakti Gas, Rain Calcining Ltd. etc. I was remaining busy by study, visits to Industries, meeting influential people etc. I made number of visits to HWSSMB and Pollution Control Board (PCB), consultant for ETP at Hussain Sagar etc. It used to be very hot during those summer days and running around was tiring and I was feeling run down with not much work – orders coming around.

I attended Hamfest at Mysore during August / September. Earlier, I had attended Ham Convention at Bangalore during April; I also planned to attend Annual Engineers Convention at Calcutta (now Kolkata). During that time, I also attended Convention of chemical engineers i.e., All India Seminar of Chemical Engineers and I submitted one paper, which was published in the proceedings, but I couldn’t present or read the paper on the podium.

As my stay at ABC (Projects) was extending (and extended), we were fortunate to get a project for platform extension around Budhha statue, which we completed within 90 to 100 days. Later, I attended the Annual Convention of Institution of Engineers (India) at Kolkata (or Calcutta) and made acquaintances and contacts with few people … Returning from Kolkata, I was informed of my paper selection @ IEEE International Conference at Hyderabad on Industrial Automation by Industrial Application Society (IAS). While, the Conference went through superbly and I had planned / intended to present the paper, I couldn’t present it for some personal reasons …

I went to Kolkata once again on the occasion of Sanjay’s marriage … In the meantime, I became the member of Rosicrucian and Institute of Noetic sciences for which, I had to shell out a good amount; I was fascinated, attracted by the lessons and I very much wanted to do and complete them. But somehow, it was difficult to sit quietly, peacefully, silently to pursue them sincerely. There was not much peace and quiet in the mind and there was always some storm of thoughts raging within, in the mind … Answer to this seemed to be settlement in life, career, earnings etc. and this would settle the mind also;

As after the completion of the platform job, there was no further job in ABC (India) Ltd., and also the management was changing hands and there was split in the group companies, I decided to meet Mr M K again and ask him to transfer or shift in his company i.e., TCI – Gati … when I met him and told him about my intention, I was directed to meet his PA. I had a small talk with his senior assistant and decision was reached about taking up certain works and in the meantime, I was asked to meet and discuss with one Sri V. V. Rao. The meeting lasted for few minutes which time he asked me some general questions and he seemed to be convinced of my brightness (Intelligence) as he knew about my being engineer; Anyhow, that time I didn’t know that more obstacles were in store for me in the future. In the meantime ABC Projects (India) office had shifted to Secunderabad and I took up Project Management Software given one Consultant.

The fact remains that I was unable to utilize my talents, merits gainfully and profitability; I made number of visits to sites, where work was going on … I also made a trip to Sriharikota, Space Research Organization’s Rocket launching pad. Earlier also, I had made a visit there in connection with proposal submitted By Archana Plants & Equipments for a reactor and again for transportation purpose / proposal, I visited that place. Like that there was lot of free time and so I was doing lot of studies ... Somehow, I was unhappy and dissatisfied by what I was doing, being unable to utilize my merits etc. Since 1995, till now as I started going down in tiredness, dissatisfaction with work and earnings, unsettlement in life career, inability to utilize merits and friction, trouble with some people.

I continue to find and look for peace, rejuvenation, balance and recharging in number of courses, which I have taken since then … starting from SILT (by Syed Hussain), Life, Vipassana, art of living by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, Reiki by Saroj Pande, SSY by RSVK and Yoga camps by VK Yogas, SMET (Self Management of executive / excessive tension) by VK Yogas & HMA. I have researched, explored and investigated the whole lot of methods / techniques for Stress Management (strain & tension) … Osho, Brahmakumari (BK’s) also, I frequently visited and my search for peace – profound peace still continues … I was appointed Manager – operations in Gati – Cargo Management Services in the may / june of 1996.

One another significant development was introduction to V Kiran of Jaycess, who was a trainer, an engineer and an excellent and wonderful person. He helped me all through to get the trainings and exposure in Jaycees and I am very grateful for the same. Since 1992, when I had come in touch with V. Kiran, he had spotted my greatness & genius and I have been able to benefit out of the training programs and also visited kakinada and other places … help came in large measures from God – Mind, inspired ideas and directions and I place all my gratitude on God – Mind or Dhamma – field (quantum field of all Natural laws, possibilities and creativity?) for providing me with energy, strength and ideas and most importantly wisdom, creative guidance / intelligence.

I faced lot of human relations problem while working at TCI – Gati, a sister concern and Group Company of ABC (India) Projects Division; Initially, I was unable to get the cooperation of the junior & senior staff but slowly, I could create a positive, cooperative ecology and environment by my work. During that time, I also visited Bangalore TCI-Gati hub and transit center … I was given exposure in transit activities. Unfortunately, I also met with a small accident that time, but God saved & helped me, I know very well;

Because of my low vitality, dullness & tiredness, I was not getting that much of welcome / reception from everybody in jaycees, but I am grateful that V. Kiran, as if God sent recognized my merit and gave me all encouragement. Two years back (now 14 years as the write-up is done 12 years back in 1997), I gave lot of suggestions to Jaycees, Mid-Town chapter and also took part in EPS conducted there … In 1996, I became quite active and attended more than half a dozen Individual Development Programs conducted there, beginning Crusade – Human Relations, EPS, Communication, Body Language, Leadership & Leadership Camp, New Member’s Academy etc.

During this time, now 14-15 years back, I also came in touch with Majid running a Nature club and we went to Srisailam forest area to spend a day or two in the lap of Nature / forest. I was very interested in Nature, forest, wildlife and so I thoroughly enjoyed the trip. The trainers at Jaycees were sometimes good and I became close to V. Kiran, Ramanna, Chidambaram, Krishna & many others. I used to attend Chinmaya Mission Programme also 15 years back … One such program conducted by Satish on ‘Efficiency in Action’ was very good and impressive; I now and then attended discourses given by Chidatma Chaitanya at Chinmaya Mission and found them vitalizing and soul stirring. As I was not getting sufficiently recharged in short time and experienced low vitality and fatigue, I was unable to give my best to the work … so work was suffering.

I was always drawn towards good people and I also became the member of Film Club through Nanjappan working at HAL and sometimes used to watch few movies … I attended picnics and spiritual retreats organized by Ramakrishna Math and Life Organization; I took the initiation japa – Mantra given by Swami Sukhbodhananda and others for meditation, but best mantra was observing your / our incoming and outgoing breath and the thoughts rising in the mind and letting it go along with the breath. I had to come to terms with the thoughts, feelings rising in the mind and the sensations produced by them on the body … I had to learn new ways to deal with them.